A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Should I stay with my husband? He always wanted to take control of things in out lives but over the last few years it has got much worse. He also has difficulty showing respect for other people. He uses other people's things (even when they are precious to that person) without asking and can't understand why I or the children are upset that the item you had is used up. We get called selfish for not sharing but surely you should be allowed to have some things that are your own?For years now I have been asking him to do things differently. We have rows or long conversations and I think he understands but then he does it again and again. Last year my 17 year old daughter from a previous relationship became extremely upset and began to self harm. She blamed his behaviour for most of her issues. Her brother and sister supported her and said that they also had problems with his behaviour. I had to rethink what I had been allowing him to get away with and the impact it had on my children. I decided to leave but my Mum persuaded me not to. After much care my daughter is much better but she asked for some things to change to make her feel safe. I would have changed anything but I had to fight my husband for every change and some he still won't do.I told him I wanted to leave despite the fact that I still have feelings for him. If he wouldn't change when the situation was so desperate there didn't seem to be any hope that he ever would. Now he says that he will change and that he hadn't realised he was doing it so wrong. I'm really torn. I find it difficult to believe that he didn't know things were wrong and I have very little faith that he will change long term but it seems so drastic to break up a marriage. We have an 8 year old daughter together as well as my older three (who are all adult now). Please give me some advice. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 September 2008):
He's had chance after chance - if he didn't change when his own daughter was self harming then what do you think is going to be different now.
I think there is only so many chances a man can have. You've threatened to leave and he still hasn't changed.
If you stay with him then you risk your 8 yearold daughter growing up and self harming as her older sister did because she will be in the same environment. Do you really want to risk that for him?
If you are not happy and she is not going to be happy then leave. You can stay with your kids for a while until you get sorted out.
Good Luck!! xx
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