A
female
age
41-50,
*enee09
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. he use to tell me how much he loved me, and how he didn't want anybody else but me. i thought he was my soul mate. he came in during a tough time in my life when me and my son was struggling after his dad walked out on us. so when he came along and told us everything would be alright. i believed him, but I soon found out he was just telling me what he wanted me to hear. i thought i was going to marry this man. but soon after we had our daughter, he started treating me different. he never talks to me anymore unless he is leaving for work and that's when he tells me he loves me, and that's the only time he tells me he loves me. when he's not at work he watches t.v. all day, or he sleeps, or he's acting like he's busy. i don't feel very pretty anymore, because acts as if he doesn't notice me. he gets mad and calls me names for trying to let him know im hurting. he also moves out every time we as he would say "argue".he has moved out over 500 times in ten years.He tells me that he doesn't talk to me about my feelings because he loves me, but he talks to other women about what they are going through with men because he has no feelings for them and i should understand. i feel so stupid for staying with this man for 10 years with no marriage in sight. Then again I think im glad we never got married. Everything we are going through he also let's the kids know and they are only 11 and 8. i feel stupid because i keep letting him come back because im scared the kids are going to miss him to much. but lately i just don't care. even though im scared as to how this is going to effect my daughter if i do leave. im even more afraid at how this is going to effect my son. because i don't want him to think that this(leaving) is what a man is suppose to do every time he feels things are to tough. yet i don't want my children to think that by me staying its o.k to let someone treat them like this either. please if anyone has some advice or words of encouragement please let me kn ow.
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female
reader, shellie 2  +, writes (22 February 2009):
Hi there,
Reading your mail tells me you know what to do already,dont be a dormat be strong.I was a single parent for awhile it was tough,four years on and i am happy.Trust me if anyone changed that much and treated me and the kids with no love or respect i would kick them out.How long do you keep trying with this guy? i bet the atmosphere is terrible sometimes.Your children look up to you and love you we all make mistakes but dont let the children see you being treated like this.This could damage any relationships they may have in the future.By the way you are not stupid you are feeling insecure.Sit the children down and tell them whats going to happen tell them its not them just that you are not happy with this guy.There are all sorts of help out there if your son is experiencing problems,start with your GP.You will be happy again you all deserve better than him.Please let me know how this pans out for you and the children ? Take care
x shellie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): This is what I can interpret from your story:
1. You have emotional ties to this man because of the length of time you have stayed together and because he was emotionally there for you when you went through a difficult time.
2. The relationship is not satisfying to you now. You no longer get the support you once did or the support and care you need now. And, you cannot see this relationship progressing in an area of life long commitment.
Haven't you revealed the truth to yourself?
Think of it this way...Maybe the relationship has taken its course. It is difficult, I know, to think of abandoning it because you have been together for so long and there is a sense of security there. BUT you have been honest enough to indicate that what it is now is not what it was then and you want more. There is nothing wrong with this admission.
But you do need to continue to be honest with yourself and your partner. Be thankful for what you had in the past with him but be honest about what you want from your future. If he can't give you what you need, you know what you must do.
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