A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was in a long distance relationship with a guy for about a year. Things were great in the beginning, but I was extremely stupid and cheated on him a couple of times. He decided to stay with me, being the very good guy he is. However, the pain kept eating him and eating him. Whenever possible, he would mention how disappointed he was in me, and how much in pain he was! I've been tempted on breaking up with him before, because how much pain he was in, but I stayed and comforted him as much as I could. However, some of his comments would start a very huge argument, and lead to a break up/getting back together (since January). The guilt of what I did to him still stings me to this day. =/. Anyhoo, around Summer 2011, he started to get violent towards me. He kept wondering who I was with, what I was doing, and when I would defend myself, he would cuss at me, call me names, and say he should hit me to "teach me a lesson". After a few hours of not speaking, he would call me and apologize. I started fearing him, and that made him even more paranoid of what I could be doing behind his back. I know this is all my fault, and I should have never cheated in the first place, but he keeps saying that the pain he is currently causing me will never replace the pain I caused him. Usually that shuts me up, and I keep surprising myself for staying in this abusive relationship. Around Summer 2011, a very close friend revealed his feelings for me. I was unsure of what I felt for him, but it slowly developed into a crush. While I kept telling myself that the chaos in my relationship justified my crush, I still felt very guilty. My ex (at the time not ex) kept warning me that my friendship with this guy was getting too close, and I ignored him (I never thought it would get too close). Eventually, things between me and my friend got a little bit too serious and I decided to tell my boyfriend. He went ballistic, and threw himself into a rage I had never seen before. After much yelling, I decided to finally break up with him and call it quits. He says I emotionally cheated on him, and he would call me sobbing and say how much he misses me, loves me, and wants me back. He says he's very depressed. My close friend has been pressuring me to get into a relationship with him, and just last night, I accepted. I don't really feel happy about it though. I don't feel like I should be in a relationship nor am I ready for one either. My guilt for my ex still stings me, and I feel like he would commit suicide if he found out if I was in a relationship.My question is: Should I refrain from being in a relationship and make my ex feel better? Is it still my responsibility? Or is it too late to redeem myself from what I have done? Thank you for reading this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): You are now aware of the pain that cheating can cause another person who trusted you. One who cheats unfortunately doesnt think through the consequences of their actions and how it will affect their partner. It is an extemely painful thing to experience.
I do not agree in him hitting you or trying to control you out of fear. He is in a very emotionally unstable place at the moment and I would not expose him to the knowledge that you are in a new relationship. You just dont know how he could react to that.
Maybe you should just lay low on the relationship scene right now and gradually let this ex-boyfriend drift out of your life as calmly as possible.
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