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female
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anonymous
writes:Should i stay or should i go?My husband of 7 years told me six weeks ago that he was unhappy in our marriage. As with all couples we had a few problems but we had been talking about starting for a family soon. turns out he isnt sure if he wants a family and said he doesnt love me enough. i asked him to leave straight away and he has been at his mothers ever since, there has been some contact but its very tense. i do love him but being on my own these past weeks has made me realise i can manage on my own and that I deserve more than he is willing to give. I dont want to regret anything and make any hasty decision about the rest of my life, but I dont want to be in the same situation again if we reconcile, family is important to me. Please help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: We have spoken today and tried to discuss what each person wants from the marriage. We have decided to try marriage councelling as neither of us wants to have any regrets about possibly making the wrong decision.
Thankyou for your advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2006): When couple's are experiencing difficulties and they seem to become overwhelming or it seems like you have both reached your limits; that is when it is most crucial to seek couple's therapy ASAP.
When couple's separate from one another; yes you both get used to living on your own and you begin to grow further apart from one another.
It is at these times when couples should look to work together and grow together. Something as simple as going for hikes together or joining a running group or even taking classes together like glass blowing, jive classes, or scuba diving would aid in bringing the two of you together.
That you told him to leave shows your tolerance levels have broken and that you have stated you are used to living on your own and can do it without him...well...it is upsetting to hear as there is so much ugliness, violence, unhappiness, dischord, and so many divorces that it's is unfortunate to hear of yet another couple's end.
It is your decision and it does sound like you have committed but just want validation for this life altering decision.
It is hard to say yes it is a good one or no it is not...and I lean more so the no as anything can be overcome and repaired with forgiveness, rededication, making promises and keeping them and hard work.
I haven't the foggiest as to what had happened to make you chase him away and shut him out of your life for good.
I still say counselling is a good avenue to explore, even if it is couple's or individual.
Best Wishes.
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female
reader, joeymac +, writes (9 September 2006):
it looks to me as if uv already made ur decision but ur just running it by us for approval. go for it, i can tell by what uv said that u feel this is the right thing to do. ur husband obviously has something on his mind that has made him suddenly repel against the idea of having a family with u, be it pressure or scared of change or whatever. but to tell u he doesn't love u enough is a blatent sign that u don't deserve to be held back by him anymore when u could be out finding someone worth while who is more than happy to share a family with u. good luck xxx
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female
reader, kel79 +, writes (9 September 2006):
I completely understand your issue with bing scared of making the wrong decision. I am in a bit of a similar situation, except my fiance cheated on me and now I don't know if I should cut all ties and start over or accept that this is the one I should be with.
But if he is saying he doesn't love you enough, maybe you should believe that, and realise that you maybe don't love him enough either, as it sounds as if you are not totally heartbroken - more that you are thinking about the right thing to do? Maybe you should try couples counselling and really explore your feelings for each other and for family. If it turns out that you truly want something he does not want to give you, then you are better off trying again with someone who does.
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