A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a 43 y.o. woman divorced for about 4 months. I started seeing a guy in January, but it has been an on and off dating thing. He has potential, but I don't feel like getting into a strongly committed relationship yet. We date, go out, have sex when we can at his place and have a lot of fun. But I'm aware in the back of my head that he is my transitional guy and I think he knows it too. I have, on occasion, also dated a few other guys, but it was just drinks really.The part that concerns me most is I have primary custody of my 13 y.o. son. I think he is aware of my dating, but I haven't said anything because I don't want him to know about my casual relationships.My questions are: When should I tell my son about this guy, if at all? When should I tell his father about this guy if it gets more serious and he sees my son? Should I stay in this relationship even if it is really only for friendship and the occasional hookup?
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (29 July 2011):
 Hi there, well I am a 42 yr old single, divorced Mom of two teenagers.
I have a few rules for myself when it comes to dating.
*I do not introduce my kids to a man-unless he is a SERIOUS bf. (Committed, Monagamous relationship) So far, that has not happened yet. No need for kids to develop a relationship with someone I do not see hanging around in my life.
*I do not date anyone that can not respect my devotion to my family responsibilities.
I was dating a guy 6 mos and I told my kids that I was dating and my personal rules for dating and why.
I did not want my kids to think I was doing something wrong, but I did not want them to accept someone into THEIR lives and space again if they were just temporary. I feel they lack the emotional and mental maturity to process transitional friends.
I answer basic questions if they are curious and I tell the guy I am dating that my kids know about him. So far, everyone I have dated is great about keeping my parenting and my dating life seperate unless its serious.
If you are just in a friendship, I would not reccomend your son meet him, but he is old enough to know you are seeing someone you like. That is about all you need to share.
Define what more serious means to you and make sure the guy you are seeing is on the same page. I believe on letting the guy "announce" if he is interested in meeting my kids.
I think if I suggest it, it seems too pushy/needy/desperate to get that committment.
So far, it hasnt happened and I just do not worry about it. If a guy is going to be in a committed relationship, wanting to meet my kids is a great sign he wants access to more of my life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): You are asking questions that only you can answer. Should u stay in this only for friendship or occasional hook ups. It depends what u want. That's what many single mothers choose. They prefer to have couple of those guys around for casual sex or a drink here or there, but nothing serios because of the children.
But some prefer just to stay with kids, and not do fooling around. Some looking for ex husbands replacement as soon as possible. It depends on what u want.
Of course if this guy needs to meet your son, your ex should know about it right away. You can't hide the fact. But all i can say it's not easy to be a single mom and date. Good luck
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