A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am engaged, but my fiancée is asking me to do things I don't want to do. I still love him and I want to be with him, but he keeps asking me to do things I cannot do. He likes for me to go to bars and dance with strange men while dressing very sexy. I have done this with him in the beginning and it was fun, but now after 6 months, I am tired of this and he now wants me to do this every weekend. He gets angry and won't talk to me for several hours when I refuse to go. Also, he drinks and I am tired of seeing him drinking only to end up asking me to drive and he passes out when we go home afterwards. The next day he is all about me and wants me to retell over and over again how this or that man tried things with me. He gets excited just talking with me about it. It feels very impersonal and I am tired of it. So, now I don't want to go to bars at all. It feels like he needs this to get turned on and that therefore is a turn off for me. We have hardly any sex without going out and playing this game. He can't seem to think of anything for us to do that doesn't involve him drinking or loud bars, etc. He has health problems and shouldn't be drinking at all. I thought all this would pass and I told him from the v beginning that I was unhappy doing this for him, but he keeps saying but I want you to and I wanted to please him so I did. The only problem is our whole love life was starting to revolve around what happened on the dance floor. I have explained to him over and over again how I dislike doing this and yet he keeps trying to get me drinking and suggests we go out to a bar. I haven't done this for about 3 months now and our love life is nonexistence. Every time I try to discuss these things he changes the subject or just tells me you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, blah blah blah. He claims I have changed and I haven't I just refuse to feed his fantasy like that anymore. I guess my question is... Will this ever go away? Does anyone out there have any experience with this type situation. A counselor told me this was a type of voyeurism or something like that. He has expressed his other fantasy to me of me having sex with another man while he watches. I flat out refused this. He has some kind of control over me though and in the beginning was able to get me to do things out of my character. I just don't let this happen anymore, but now I get no attention at all. He is a little affectionate with me and tells me he loves me and still does things for me and with me. I asked him about our future today and he said he was waiting for me to get over whatever I was going through cause he don't like to stay home all the time and I do..
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for responding.. I know what I have to do and I will. It's just that I am trying so hard to make something work out for me and I am so attracted to this man. I really wanted things to work with him. I fell for this man at hello and honestly this is the first time since high school that anything like that has ever happened to me. So, it has been a roller coaster of sorts of emotions. I know he isn't right for me but yet I keep trying to make this work thinking that he will accept me for who I am eventually and then we can both be happy. The thing is, I feel stuck. I feel physically and emotionally stuck. I partially moved in with him and I am now staying at my place most of the time now. I am breaking up with him in degrees so to speak. I appreciate your feed back and it is helping me to make a run for it. I am afraid of having regrets and that is why I am trying everything before I go because I don't fall in love everyday and I am afraid I will never find another man that makes me feel this young again. Thank you so much as this is a subject that I cannot talk to friends or family about. If they knew they would flip. I know I have to make a clean and clear break soon as I am having a lot of anxiety about this.. Thanks so much for telling me the truth. I am setting a dead line for my final break. My date is Oct. 14,2014.. Thanks again.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 September 2014):
 You know this man better than I do, so I hope his identity is more than just having a weird fetish. If I have to guess, he had a traumatic experience of an ex cheating on him in a club. He was forming images in his head and the only way to stop feeling hurt is to consent to it and make his mind okay with being cuckolded. You have to make it clear to him that in the future you are never ever going to cater to this desire again. He has to develop other methods of getting turned on. Express to him that you feel inadequate as if you yourself are not enough to turn him on, and that the relationship is between the two of you. No one should come between that specialness.
See what is willing to do for a change. Such as quitting drinking and developping healthier habits like exercise. If after a certain time nothing changed, then walk away and conclude that he's stuck in the past and trying to medicate himself with alcohol and strange fantasies.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 September 2014):
 You need to start backing your WORDS up with action. YOU KEEP telling him you DON'T WANT to do this that you don't LIKE to do this and he keeps pushing, KNOWING that you will give in.
Now why do you give in? Because you are afraid he will leave you or give you the silent treatment if you don't.
THAT IS NOT LOVE!
I would END this engagement and the relationship. You two aren't compatible. HE should be with a woman who GETS off on this (if he can find one) and you should be with a GUY who can RESPECT you for who you are.
If you stay with this man I can see him using you as his personal sex toy - pimping you out if that becomes a fantasy..... Yea, this is not a healthy relationship for you.
Want more for yourself.
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