A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I'm 21, a virgin, and have never had a proper boyfriendI do get asked out quite a bit, and have been on a couple of dates, but I usualy say no because I haven't been interested in or attracted to any of the guys who have asked me out. It's not like I have a particular type of guy I'm looking for, or anything like that, I just never wanted to waste my time with someone when it wasn't going anywhere. But now (almost) all my friends are happily coupled off and I'm starting to feel like I might be missing out on something, or being unrealistic about relationships or something.So my question is, should I just settle for someone who is interested, and try to build some sort of relationship for the sake of it?Or should I continue to wait for someone who I really like before agreeing to date etc, no matter how long it takes?I would love some advice! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010): Continue how you are.
EVERYONE (apart from a few) regret losing their virginity EARLY. it is special so keep it. Find someone great and you will appreciate your decision to wait. If you get to 25 and you are still virgin (unlikely) and you have no desire to wait until marriage then you can think about other ways to get rid of it and try sex. never outside relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): There is a fine line to walk between giving chances to the wrong people and just being too picky. It's tough.
You have erred towards being too picky and I think this is much better than the alternative. It keeps you from getting into complicated life problems and emotional baggage with people who aren't worth it. You also dont hear a lot of men complaining "I wish my GF had dated and screwed some more other guys that she didn't really care about before we got together!"
Dont go for men that you know arent worth it. If they have got problems then don't put yourself into a position to get attached. You are better off saving yourself the hurt. The problems are usually there for the long haul and they will bother you more with time.
But maybe try harder to see if some of these "boring" guys really might be worth it. A lot of great interesting people have outer shells that are boring or stereotyped or even off-putting. You will cause yourself much less collateral damage by staying a little longer with the guys who seem boring or a little weird than the guys who are interesting but have problem signs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): If I were you I'd wait. I was in the same position as you a few months ago with the same reasons and I'm 22. I thought maybe I was being too picky or something so when I met this guy who really seemed to like me I decided to try to have a relationship with him.
It didn't work out well, within the first couple of weeks I was bored. I didn't want to see him as much as he wanted to see me. I wanted to break it off but when we met he would say how much he liked me and stuff, then I'd feel guilty and think to myself if he likes me so much there must be something there worth continuing for.
A few months later nothing had really changed so I felt it was only fair to break it off before he became even more attached. It was a really bad experience - he was really upset and so was I because I'd hurt him.
I'm now back to where I started from but this time I'm going to wait for someone I really like however long it takes.
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A
female
reader, Distant Melody  +, writes (25 August 2010):
Not sure why you mentioned you were a virgin
If you're looking for SEX, it shouldnt matter if he likes you or not
If you're looking for a relationship, wait for someone who likes you as much as you like them.
If you're looking to settle down, try guys who like you. You might not find them attractive, but if they're really affection, you'll love feeling loved. Their love.
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