A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I recently found out that my 27 year old boyfriend's (J) 45 year old female friend (R) occasionally records erotic videos of herself and posts them up on the internet. Not only that, but my boyfriend was involved in recording some of them (just recording, not participating).I'm friendly with R, so I thought I'd send this:"Hey R, hope you’re well - not chatted for a while!The reason I mail, is that while at J’s, I accidentally saw a folder with a few let’s say ... erotic videos in it. So, J told me what they were. He also said that he’d helped record some, too. That took a while to stomach, but I recovered. *lol* He probably shouldn’t have told me that, but he did. It was while he was single, so I want to stress that I’ve no problems as it was in the past.However, I’ve asked him specifically not to look at them any more, or at any future ones you make - and I know this is probably a given, but can you not involve J in any future ones you make, at least not while he and I are still together?I hope you understand - this is mostly my issue. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m young still but I feel really uncomfortable with it.I hope you’re not too embarrassed that I know - as one of J’s closest friends, I want to get to know you better. I hope this doesn’t get in the way, but if it does, I understand."Am I out of line for sending this, or does it sound reasonable? Advice is hugely appreciated - help!x
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Vow, my heart is bleeding for you.
I dont think I would have dealt with it quite the way you did, but vow, you are brave.
I seriously think you should talk to boyfriend about this.
Can you live with this situation?
Do you trust him?
Me personally, I think I would put my "takkies" on and run!
However, I do not believe you have to deal with this either; you have a choice, you choose to put up with this or to move on!
I suggest you think carefully, what do you want for the future?
Can you spend your life like this?
Would you want to have children with this man?
If not....get out.....
Find somebody that you can feel comfortable with; that you can trust; that you don't have to worry about and send message to other women.
I hope you will think about what you are involved with, and about your future.
Be realistic and be honest with yourself.
Good luck
A
male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (18 June 2008):
 I think, if you haven't, just tell your fella you found them and tell him you would like him to completely delete them off the hard drive. When/if you both split.
I'm sure she'll still have the vids saved.
If he understands he will delete them and not watch them again.
It's best you talk to your boyfriend first before talking to his friend/ex.
Good luck!!
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