A
female
age
51-59,
*haron87
writes:Hi there,I've been seeing this guy on and off for a just over a year. I let myself fall for him, knowing he was self medicating, and things are just getting worse for him. I'm just so annoyed with myself at the moment, as recently again, we got together. Even though we had gone out seperated ways, I met him over Xmas as he had a gorgeus gift for me, which I wasn't expecting. He was very disappointed I didn't have anything for him. He once again wreasled his way into my heart and we spent 2 nights together. He asked me to marry him, in a joking way, twice and constantly goes in about this.. But yet, when he gave me the present he said he didn't want me to get the wiring idea. When I'm with him, he constantly talks about other girls that are 'into' him, to me it seems every girl he meets fancies him. That's what he believes !! When he left after Xmas, and went back to his home, I had to initiate contact..we chatted for a while, and he said his mum said that he couldn't get nicer than me. I cringed big time once again and feel so USED! He's gone so slow to respond to me too, not like him. I know he is going through huge withdrawals at the moment, but I am so mad at myself again for letting him into my heart. I actually bought a present for him too, and now I think I won't bother sending it to him. I have been upset with him before @ his self medicating, but he seems to be taking no action to improve himself. Shoukd I send him the present?A terribly hurt lady;/) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 January 2015):
 He didn't "wreasle his way" into your heart, you welcomed him back in.
No.
No.
No.
Practice that.
No, I don't want to see you.
No.
Our relationship is over.
No.
No. No.
No.
Return the present to the store and don't look back.
You are 41-50? Life is too short to waste on men like this.
A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (13 January 2015):
 He sounds like a very mixed up man and quite immature. I don't think he knows what he wants out of life. I wouldn't give him the present. Save it for his birthday if you are still friends by then. Quite frankly I think you would be better moving on and trying to find somebody who appreciates you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2015): No, don't send him the present. He has too many issues and he is an idiot who plays on your feelings by mentioning other women constantly. Return the gift, keep it, give it away and forget about him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 January 2015):
 First off, I sorry you can't seem to get off this emotional roller-coaster, but if anyone can stop it, it IS you.
Second of all, he didn't get you the present for you. It was his "upper hand" move. He gave you a present, so you would feel GRATITUDE and GUILT and MAYBE just maybe look past his substance abuse and take him back. His MOM said, he can't GET nicer then you. Which is both a compliment and insult, because no matter how AWESOME he think he is, NOT many woman will put up with a drug addict.
IF you FEEL you OWE him anything SEND the present as a belated Christmas present and goodbye present (BUT YOU DON'T REALLY OWE him squat), then let him know you WISH to drop ALL contact. Delete his number, Facebook, whatnot. Block HIS number or get a new phone number so he can't get in touch with you.
OR you can keep getting on and off this roller-coaster with him and his drugs, knowing full well that THEY (the drugs) are more "important" than you.
Trying to go cold turkey without help is rarely useful, because they STAY in the same environment, around the same people as when they used. So while he may SEEM to do "something" it's temporary at best.
You are the one who is hurting YOU. By keeping this guy in your life and heart. YOU let him in. YOU already know what and who he is. You can't WISH his addiction away. You can't WISH him into a better guy. He is WHO he is. ANY improvements HE needs to make for himself. YOU can't "fix" him.
Don't you want MORE for yourself?
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