A
female
age
51-59,
*wilight72
writes:this is a question that i really need answered. i went out with this guy about 16 years ago. for reasons we lost each other. about 10 years ago we found each other. and we were very to have. then about 6 months after that we lost touch again. we found each other about a year ago and have been talking since. in the last 6 months our feelings have really started to come out about each other. i love him and always have. he told me that he has never stopped loving me. as i had told him. and how we feel about each other is amazing!! we remember every moment step by step that we ever spent with each other.. and i have never had with no one else. as he is the same. he says that the love we have for each other is amazing. now the problem. he is married. and has been for over 5 years.when we find out we r with other people we get jealous and when we r alone and with no one we r very happy. he lives far away from me now. i told him i want to come and see him in the summer. and he wants me to very bad. i am scared that when i hold him again or give him a hug i wont let go. i have told him this. he says he wants to be with me forever. i know for the past 2 years him and his wife r not happy at all. i know it is complicated what is going on with him and his wife. what should i do. should i go and see what happens? or not go and never find out or wait till they r no longer togther? please help!!!
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female
reader, LoveGirl  +, writes (10 April 2010):
I am very sceptical, so the right approach would be to only 'start' something when he moves out and divorces his wife. You say that you both have lost each other repeatedly. There may be a good reason as to why you have not been in a proper committed relationship. Think about this. He is in an apparent unhappy marriage, you just ended your relationship, you owe it to yoyrself to now do the right thing. You do not want someone eles hb, you need a Free man without a wife lurking in the back ground. I say I am sceptical bec I believe this man will not be your soul mate, your happy ever after. I am wishing I will be wrong but be realistic. He is looking for an affair , for something else in his mundane life/marriage , you owe it to yourself to keep your dignity, your respect and also respect his wife in return. Do not become the OW (although in essence you are) but set boundaries. I say thread carefully, I say do your hm and while he is stull with his wife live your ife. Do not pine, waiting for him. You are free so meet eligible men and have fun. If thid man does what he is supposed to do then ok, there is a future but plse d not put your life on hold waitung for this man. Take care
A
female
reader, twilight72 +, writes (9 April 2010):
twilight72 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni totally understand what everyone is saying... and i have have told him that i would not be with him till he leaves her. i told him that if he truely loves me like he says he does like before he will go. it is not like we were never together. i will not be the one to be on the side lines. and also i told him that i just got out of a 2 year relationship myself. i told him it lies in his lap. because i told him i want to be with him. but he has to make a decision.. me or her. thank you for all your respeonses.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): Eyeswideopen said it best! Wait. If he wans you it will happen. I'll add that if he's willing to make you the other woman than he must not have much respect for you. What kind of a man asks a woman to compromise her integrity, respect, selfworth, and reputation?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Of course you should wait until they are no longer together, what else would a woman who has honor and integrity do?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 April 2010):
You don't truly know anything about their marriage. He could be lying to get you into bed. Be realistic. You've surely heard all those stories about mistresses waiting for their lovers to get a divorce, and surprise surprise, they don't. This is a married man. Unless he leaves his wife first, you're sure to get used. Don't fall for it. Because if you do, when it all comes out, you will be the one who is hated, you will the one who is deserted.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 Don't fish in a no fishing zone. It is not worth the risk .
It would be better to wait until he is divorced and single again to renew any relationship.
To go there and stir the troubled waters will only cast you in a very bad light.
Promises are sweet but they are only words .
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