A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right, I have been what I think is friends with benefits (A)with someone for nearly 4 years. I really really like them. However, after getting sick of teh arrangement I went out and got myslef a really nice guy, really solid would do anything for me.But I find our relationship well just a bit empty and boring like I dont find him irresitable anymore. However I am still in touch with (A) and well we still see each other and sleep with each other. I feel like he really likes me in fact he has told me on more than one occasion. In fact he always kisses me and hugs me all teh time which he never used to do when we were friends with benefits. He treats me well when I am with him except I only see him about every two weeks. (A) has no idea I have a boyfriend. And my boyfriend has no idea that I am meeting up with (A). I cant stop thinking about (A) and after nearly 4 year sI'm beginning to think its time to tell him exactly how I feel. HOwever, his some of its mates like me and get on really well well some of the others just see me as his 'repeat performance' girl if that makes sense. I feel really confused over teh whole situation. To be honest I dont know what my question is I mean I just need clarification on whether I should say goodbye to (A) for good or to take a leap of faith and tell him how I feel.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (28 May 2008):
 things change when u tell somebody how you feel about them. the way u feel about them changes and also they way feel about u changes. now this is a positive thing but humans bien natrualy curious about how the other feels might lead to paranoia and the need to act in a certain way which have negative effects. now i can help u out with the problem. but friends with benifits is my best policy. coz when im friends with benifits with a girl. we always have a laugh, we have sex all the time and its adventurous and fun, and we dont feel like we have to text and be with each other 24hours a day and live in each others pockets. when we do see each other we are just like an actual couple, we kiss we hold hands and we still laugh. now uve been F.W.B with sum1 for 4 years. so that means uve been having sex with and having a good time with sum1 for a substantialy long time. people get married and divorced in that time. however. u and this guy have good foundations for a relationship. coz ure so used to bieng Friends. think of a relationship as a house. u have foundations walls and a roof. now without strong foundations the walls wud fall down. walls are that sense of security between two people and the roof if sex. ure feelings towards him represents central heating. and without walls the heat escapes and with no roof the heat rises out of the top and intrest, fun , adventure is lost.
at the moment u have a very strong 4 year foundation. with a free standing roof not bien supported by any security or walls. now once u build those walls that heat cant escape from ure relationship. u comprimise freedom for having the security. In your situation i would feel very safe in building those walls to complete ure relationship! beacause ure foundations are so strong!
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