A
female
age
36-40,
*iona_Greenwell
writes:It's one of those age-old situations. Yes, you will probably all have heard this before, roll your eyes and groan: "why can't you sort this trivial matter out for yourself?" Ah well, you see, my situation is not of typical complexity. There is a work associate that I have only just met, but to whom I am very much attracted and who I won't see until February!I am uncertain , but I think he is also attracted to me. Only fairly recently I had a meeting at which he and a colleague were present. The whole time he spoke little and just stared at me with a peculiar smile. Although he was profusely polite, I would put that down to cultural differences as he is an American (who are generally a more open people in business). I have no idea if he already has a girlfriend, although he didn't appear to be married. We haven't spoken much but we just seemed to get along right away. He even understood my obscure jokes!Like many, I am terrified of being rejected but don't know how to go about pursuing the matter. I would love to ask this man on a date but fear that it would be very forward and unprofessional. Due to the nature of the sector I work in, which is security-orientated and highly international, it would seem silly to approach.I have never had a partner/boyfriend before and so have no experience whatsoever. I am very pleased that I have finally obtained what appears to be a mutual love interest and the thought of this man occupies me a great deal of the time. I realise that I will have to sit tight and just see how things emerge, but I also feel that I just 'have' to know. Should I risk leaving a valentine's card at our next meeting this February? Or: should I telephone him on his work number (the only one I have)? Of course I hardly know him and would need some sort of rouse or excuse, for which I do not doubt my creativity, but when it comes to the big question - am I able to pose it? Anyone with some good advice - please help! - Fiona
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 December 2008):
 I have some trouble here. Why is it unprofessional to fall in love? There are, to be sure, some people you should not approach or make your feelings known to, but I don't see where professionalism fits here.
(Wiling to hear explanations).
I agree with the girls. Ask something related to work and build on that.
Maybe you give Valentine's day a more narrow meaning. For us, February 14 is "the day of love and friendship". You can give cards to somebody and that won't mean you are into that person, unless, of course, you give the person a card with a big heart on it. I think, however, that you shouldn't give such a card to someone you met only once.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): I have to agree with Ginalolabridga...I don't think the card is a good idea. I also feel that it is more unprofessional than asking him if he would like to meet for dinner, or a drink. People in business do that all the time! The fact that he is away from home is a perfect reason to befriend him. Use that as an opening. And take it from there.
All he can say is no thankyou. And there can be reasons why he would decline an invitation, such as being married, etc. He obviously thinks you are attractive, or he would not have stared at you throughout the previous meeting!
So don't take it personally if he should say no.
An advance phone call is a great idea. If you can figure out a reason to be calling (business oriented) You could even suggest to him while on the phone that you get together when he is back there.
I wish you luck, I hope it all goes well
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