A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a divorced mother of three and have had a long distance relationship with a wonderful man for the last three years. My children are 11,9 and 5 and have had limited contact with my boyfriend but get along very well with him. It's getting to the point where we're looking at taking the next step in our relationship.He's everything I've ever wanted in a partner but I'm very concerned with how the relationship will effect my kids. They are my priority and I am a tad over protective, so we have had several talks about how he will fit into our family.Meanwhile I've been spending quite a bit of time with my ex husband and we've been getting along great. I'm wondering if I should consider putting more time and energy into repairing our relationship or if I should just take this as a sign that all the talking we've been doing is finally paying off. That we're now able to be positive parents and support each other. But I fear that I'll never be able to feel comfortable with another man in our life, if I should be happy with just being single or if I should suggest counseling with my ex, he's expressed interest in getting back together and I know it would make my kids very happy.I'm just not sure if I'm feeling panic about having another man in my childrens life or if I should really revisit our marriage.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): You've not quite ended the relationship with your ex and you have not quite allowed your long distance boyfriend into your life. You are caught between the two situations and neither, as they are, will help you make a decision. It would be easier to get back with your husband. Easier is not always better. Let this new man into your life a bit more - take the risk and see.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2009): Do you think your ex husband is trying harder because he knows the level of commitment you are potentially about to take with another man? Only a thought. I agree with the other post you need to get to grips with all the reasons you split in the first place. The decision must have been hard. You mention your children would be happy if you got back together - I'm sure - but what about you? Would it be best for you to continue being on your own for a while longer to work out what / who you want? Maybe you could be honest with your boyfriend and explain your feelings. I think it is natural that we default to wanting something that went wrong to be mended again - its as if we cannot rest until it is done. However, my only fear for you would be that in 5 years time the old husband would be back and you would feel quite a fool and put your children through even more torment splitting up again. Being great parents is fantastic and if you are both getting on with that better great news - don't confuse that with an intimate relationship. One last point.... if you are having feelings for another man (ex or not) then maybe your current partner is not quite right for you. That is confusing as you say he is 'everything you have ever wanted'. On that basis the relationship with your boyfriend sounds like a lot to throw away? My hunch would say give your boyfriend a chance - take small steps and don't put pressure on him or yourself
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (21 December 2009):
It depends on two questions:
1. Why you divorced your husband in the first place and has the issue been resolved?
2. What is your new bf's attitude to your kids?
I totally understand your difficult choice; so think about it and if you decide to go back to your ex, do the counseling and take things very slow. I personally could not see my ex changing and decided to take my chances with my new man who loves kids, but every situation is different. But if you decide to try the new guy, ask him what his expectations are so that he feels he will have a voice too. Good luck
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