A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupids, I've been with a guy for 5+ years: as a couple we used to hang out with this other couple- they were originally friends of mine and I introduced my ex to them. Okay, so about a 1.5 years ago my ex and I went through a horrible break-up (basically I met my current husband and I left my ex to be with my present husband)- I was saying, we went through this horrible break-up and these two friends sided with him and I never heard from them again. Last night, out of nowhere, I get this text from the girl in the couple saying: "It's sad we don't talk anymore, I thought we were close and I wanted to say hi. I wish you all the best in your life and bla bla bla". Thing is: should I reply at all? Should I tell her I'm happily married now? Should I tell her I felt abandoned soon after the break-up? Or should I simply ignore the text? Thank you!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 FWIW, when my ex-husband and I broke up he "got custody" of most of the friends. I assumed they went that way since they thought I was the bad guy in the break up.
I found out recently that it's not the case. Most of our friends (now my former friends) blame HIM for the break up of the marriage. So it was not them "siding with him"
I think that since you were never that invested in their friendship they just went with who they knew they would see more (which is what happened in our case)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I don't miss her at all. I never felt we were ever that close, she and her bf were just a fun couple to hang out with, but I never really shared anything deeply emotional with her. Still, when they took my ex's side it kinda hurt me. I wouldn't want to hang out with her again because I can't get over the fact that she basically left me behind and, by siding with my ex, judged my behavior in a negative way. Also, I think she might still hang out with my ex (dunno, just speculating here, cut all contacts with my ex) and I wouldn't want to bump into him for whatever reason. Finally, I've also thought that I wanted to reply just because I wanted to tell her I was happily married now, as a childish form of "Ha! See? I got married and I'm happy now even if you washed your hands clean of me while I was upset during the breakup!"- and frankly, I don't want to be childish. Moreover, my life now is none of her business and there really is no point in letting her know about myself. So, I think I'll just leave it. I hope she won't think I'm resentful or anything, but, really, I've got nothing to share with her anymore. I hope this makes sense!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 December 2012):
do you miss her? do you want to be friends with her again
if so the proper response is "me too"
if not, if you can't bear the idea of being friends with her or you think it will be difficult then ignore it
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Hi
I would sway towards ignoring it, for now anyway. Its hard for mutual friends when couples break up, especially when there's a third party involved. They would side with who they saw was the hurt one.
Maybe she has gone past that now,your ex may be dating again so she sees him as OK now,over it all. She might have thought back over your friendship and misses you.Or perhaps its xmas time thats made her nostalgic. Leave it till new year,wish her the best for 2013,tell her your married and happy. Then see how you feel.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (18 December 2012):
Maybe she did "side" with anyone and rather aligned with the "side" that she thought was right. If she did, and it sounds that way, you need to stop acting like a three year old. She did what she thought was right, and you're stomping your feet because she didnt "side" with you against her own judgement.
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