A
female
age
36-40,
*lbafeline
writes:So this is a bit long winded. 6 years ago I met a man a work and we had immediate chemistry. However we are both married. On a night out, we made out. We started a flirtatious texting relationship. We never had sex, only kissing. We would text all day, every day. I fell pregnant by my husband and that didn't deter either of us. He never really committed to me and would often go awol. I suspect I wasn't the only girl falling for his charms. Though he denies this.However once I had my little boy, my hormones, my confidence and emotions were all over the place. He couldn't deal with it and ended the affair. He broke my heart. Fast forward 2 years, we got back in touch. It was completely different this time. We were open and honest. We became each other's support networks during some very dark times. He would confide in me about his personal problems, his depression. It was like I'd found my soul mate. He also feels that we are kindred spirits, The physical element is intense and passionate. I've never felt so loved and attracted to someone, After 6 months of this l have fallen very deeply in love with him. He knows this, he implies he wants to be with me but has physiological issues which prevent intimacy. He has asked me to wait and asked me to accept him as he is. He does put up with a lot of my drama and arguments. He always fights for me. He accepts me as the broken person I am, he is the only person in the world that truly knows me and still wants me. I know he is having issues at home, confirmed by mutual friends. I don't want to push him but I am starting to have doubts whether this is going anywhere. As I said, I have asked and he shuts down on me. Saying I'm pushing him and demanding and that he needs time to come out of his bad place. Part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt and wait, the other part of me wants to come clean to my husband, tell his wife and move on. I think so long as this is a secret, I will allow him to get worming his way back into my heart. Whereas if it's public knowledge, there is no way back. What do I do? Give him a chance or walk away?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (2 August 2016):
 WHY continue this drama? .... when there are oodles of guys in the world who might be available to you... and who aren't carrying the burdensome baggage that you describe of this guy?????
Good luck....
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (2 August 2016):
He is stringing you along. Maybe his issues are genuine, but there is little doubt that he is using them as excuses to put off making any commitments to you. Why don't you try thinking about your husband who you're cheating on? You're being very selfish. You have fallen for what you would like him to be and not what he is. So he confides in you and unburdens his soul, yet the one time when you were very vulnerable following your pregnancy, he could not deal with it. How utterly selfish!
you need to make contact with reality: you are putting your marriage at risk for a man who has completely failed to consider you at all. I would come clean to your husband if I were you, and just hope and pray that he is able to come to terms with what you have done. I am sorry to tell you that you have put everything at risk and for absolutely nothing.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2016): Do you not see anything wrong with what you are doing?You're sitting here wondering if this supposed "soul mate" of yours will actually commit to you or not (by the way, news flash: he won't, he's not going to rearrange his home life and finances for you, you're just an interesting distraction for him at times).What you should be wondering about is how you are able to string along your husband of several years in this way. You've mothered this man's son, live with him, and perhaps even benefit from him financially, yet are spending your days texting this vampire who has already broken your heart once.I think you have some dilemmas but they are not the ones you think you have. I find it deeply, deeply disturbing that you have no concern for your husband in all this.I suspect that, regardless of what you decide to do, you will lose both men, as you don't really love your husband and this other man doesn't really love you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 August 2016):
 You should either leave your husband or FIX your marriage before you are this concerned over another man.
Or does your husband know and approve of this?
IF not, fix your home situation first, you are being a shitty wife.
How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your husband had spend the BEST of the last 6 years chasing after another woman?
He doesn't SEEM like he is in ANY place to have a healthy relationship, which is probably why he has been messing around with you for 6 years.
I DO think you should tell your husband, that way HE can decide if this is a marriage HE wants to continue.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 August 2016):
 Come clean to your husband because he deserves it. Don't tell his wife; it'll get to her eventually, no doubt.Answer these questions for yourself:How would you feel if your husband did this to you?How can you trust someone who would cheat on their wife?How can you be trusted?How would you feel if your child cheated on their future partners?How would you feel if they were cheated on?How can you teach your child right from wrong when you refuse to follow it?OP, you need to right your wrongs and fix what you've done. Don't keep adding to the fuel that will burn bridges between your family; your poor child will suffer from your choices.Own up and start making amends - this guy doesn't want you, just like you don't want him or you'd both be together, not married to others.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2016): No, he absolutely doesnt want to be with you. If a man wants a woman, nothing will stop him. NOTHING, not their wife or their career, not states or countries or even their past. It doesnt matter how strong your feelings for him are, he doesnt want to be with you. Friendship? Sure. Someone to talk to? Sure. Someone to admire him? SureIt sounds like youre having an emotional affair but he doesnt even try to pursue a physical relationship. Both of you are cheating and being dishonest but on top of that, he doesnt even want you romantically so whether you leave your husband or not, you sure wont find fullfillment in him either. Break it off with your husband though if youre not happy. Karma is real bitch and the more you string on your husband, the more stringed along you will be with this guy. And he HAS zero interest in being with you, good luck
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 August 2016):
 He doesn't want to be with you or else he would be. It's as simple as that, don't take people by what they say, take note of what they do.
If he wanted to be with you he would divorce his wife and commit to you, he wouldn't keep you shrouded in secrecy would he ?
I know it's hard to be rational and see common sense in situations like this, but be realistic. If you guys were to get together then why aren't you ? If you're not happy with your partners you'd be divorced and make things official.
Don't waste any longer kidding yourself because it doesn't sound like anything is going to happen.
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