A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing an older guy (35) for the last 7 or 8 months. We have told each other we love each other and are pretty serious about a future together. But lately I have started getting really bugged to the point of p***d off at his endless staring at other women. He will go out of his way on a date to check out every part of a woman's body walking past and he almost always turns his head to look at the view of her from behind. He did this when we first started dating and before we got serious, so I kind of let it go. A couple of months into it and I called him out on it, I thought that if he was asking me to be serious with him and become an item, that meant he should no longer be "shopping around", as I see it. He denied he was doing it and then like a day later did it in front of me again and it caused a massive row, because he turned his whole body in the street to look at a random woman.I didn't speak to him for a week as I really thought I couldn't put up with it, it just felt like childish bad manners and I thought an older man would have grown out of the ogling phase by the time he is in his 30s.. I guess I thought only much younger guys do it because they don't have the social poise and haven't developed the savvy and the manners about how to behave around a woman. Anyway he called me and apologised and said I was right about some of the occasions and that he would stop doing it.He hasn't stopped doing it. Last week he almost got neck strain on the street trying to spot some woman in the dark and then last night he turned 4 or 5 times to get several looks of someone going past. I am at my wits end and now he is telling me I am the problem, that I am jealous and imagining it half the time.Does he really not realise he is doing it sometimes? Is he doing it on purpose to hurt me? Is he a cheater? I always thought men who do this, if they do it when their partner is with them, what are they capable of when their partner is not there? There have been a couple of times as well when he actually commented about someone after she went past. Am I dating a caveman or is he really just pig ignorant? Does this mean he doesn't care about me? I am on the verge of ending it tonight. Help!
View related questions:
jealous, older man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2016): All I can say is don't bother trying to change him because you won't.
In my experience there are guys who "look" and guys who generally "don't." The ones who generally don't usually have a sneaky look when no one notices but they do it in such a way that it's not too obvious.
We all fancy others. That's human nature but I think this is more about his awful habit of seeing every attractive woman as eye candy.
If it bothers you now then you have your answer. It has been the ending of two of my relationships. I just found it disrespectful and embarrassing to be honest. And for the man to deny it and make it your problem, well that's just typical of a person being caught out....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2016): Its hard to know. One person idea of obvious gawking is another person's idea of acting normal. I have seen some pretty rude boyfriends. And some pretty hyper-sensitive girlfriends.
...............................
A
female
reader, ova-valentine  +, writes (17 January 2016):
 Tell him that you have seen him do it, and it disturbs you. Tell him the exact times you saw him do it and exactly how that made you feel. When he does it, quietly tell him to stop and continue what you were doing. MAKE SURE to tell him that it makes you feel unappreciated and it is DISRESPECTFUL. Good Luck.
...............................
|
