A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years now. I'm 25, he's 36.We started off very rocky, where he would be cruel to me, go behind my back, and say and do things really hurtful.I've proved loyalty and love to him, and he's changed his "wild" behavior.He recently went through a very traumatic experience in LA with a cultish religion on a set he was on. He liked the girl that was the lead star, and she got him started in some crazy things. Even though he left me for a month, experiemented with the religion, I still took him back and helped him recover.He moved from LA though to another state, now we're doing long distance. Now that he's better, and starting to make a lot of money, he's treating me like he doesn't care if I'm around or not. I'm the one calling, i'm the one making all the effort, and it sucks.Whenever I try to talk to him about "issues" he says that all I do is complain. Maybe I'm a nag sometimes, but he thinks EVERYTHING i try to bring up is "COMPLAINING."I love him so much, but I'm so frustrated, our sex life has REALLY gone down, and I'm always texting and calling, and he gets back to me if it's convenient. What should I do? I try breaking up with him, but he says thats a "routine" of mine so he doesn't care, and we end up back together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Ok, so maybe that was a little harsh, maybe you are leaving all the good stuff out....maybe there is still a chance this relationship will work out.
I just don't think it sounds to me like it is worth it, and the way you are telling the story, You are Very Unhappy.....why do you want to do that to yourself?
My advice is to leave, but if you want to hang in there..stop nagging him, act like you don't care, stop texting him and making all of the effort...Without explaining yourself, be much less available....Let him wonder what you are up to. If you do take his calls tell him all the fabulous things you have done, but offer very little detail about your daily goings on....let him wonder...he isn't going to move any farther away from you than he already has....so you start acting as if you don't need him and you are find that he moved....see what happens. Personally, if I were you, I wouldn't waste my time, but it is your ove life and your heart you are sacrificing, not mine.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Wow, you breaking up with him is a routine of yours, he doesn't care when you do that because you always take him back no matter how badly he has treated you or left you or ignored you. Can you say "doormat".
If you can, stop doing that. Get some help, some counseling if you need it to find out why you would be in love with a man who is unavailable, that is right, he is not giving you anything at all in the way of love and a relationship, he has even moved away from you and you are still hsnging on to him and without his encouragement.
This is not a love relationship, this is some kind of addiction or something for you.....what is your pay off? Why do you keep rescueing this Loser? I don't care how much money he is now making, he sounds like a Loser to me.
I hope you can gather the self respect and self esteem to get your legs up under you and walk away from this guy for good....here is your chance, he is gone....let him go for good, and turn your attentions elsewhere. Like to yourself, take care of you for awhile, focus on what you want, and the next guy or guys you date, ask yourself if they are good enough for you.
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