A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:A couple of months ago I started seeing this guy. We had known each other for 18 years and during this time there has always been this tremendous chemistry between us. We never got it together though because I was always in a relationship with someone else, however, often we would bump into each other whilst out and he would walk me home at the end of the night and we would kiss goodbye. A few times he would try and contact me after, or we would arrange a date but I would always blow him off. In January I split up with my partner after 11 years together. I was never unfaithful to him with the exception of kissing this other guy but it never went beyond a kiss (despite sometimes being tempted!). A few months after the end of my relationship I ran into this guy in a bar and it turned out he was newly single as well. We exchanged numbers and it wasn’t long before we started seeing each other. After a couple of dates he came over to mine to spend the weekend with me. We had a great time together but when it came time for him to leave he confessed that he had been worried we were getting into a relationship and he was not comfortable with this because his last relationship of three years, had ended badly and he had been very hurt and he wasn’t over it. He got a bit tearful and it was clear to see that he was genuinely upset. He also explained that this had been a long distance relationship and he would not ever want to do that again (I lived 70 miles away at that time). I explained that I was disappointed but that I understood. He told me how much he had liked me for years and years but that it wasn’t enough for him to risk going through what he’d been through before. We agreed to be friends and see each other as such.We managed this for about two weeks, before alcohol got in the way and we ended up in bed together again. I suppose it was inevitable as there was such a strong physical attraction between us, which had been there for so many years. He had also seemed overjoyed that night when I told him my plans to move back to his town (this was my home town but I had left 16 years ago to go to university). The next morning he seemed really annoyed that this had happened and even though I said it could just be a casual thing between us he said that casual would complicate things as there are feelings involved and that he just isn’t ready for a new relationship. As I left he told me to contact him when I move back and that he will come over for tea.This happened two months ago. I moved back to our home town a couple of weeks ago but I haven’t contacted him as I promised I would. I have seen him twice around town but on neither occasion could I get an opportunity to speak to him alone although we did speak to each other and have a bit of a laugh together but we had other friends around us. I really would like to talk to him and invite him over but I’m so scared he will reject me again. Part of me thinks I should give him the space and time he needs to get over his past, without me in it but I’m concerned I will give him the impression that I don’t care about him or don’t want to see him if I don’t contact him at all. Should I pluck up the courage to give him a call, wait and see how fate pans out and try to speak to him when I next bump into him or should I forget it completely? I really really like him.
View related questions:
exchanged numbers, kissing, long distance, split up, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Thanks for your answer.
Yes I'm not sure if I can handle the rejection again. But I think "doyouknowme" may have a point. Perhaps I should put in a *bit* of effort as I'm wondering now if I have been giving him a confused message.
When I last saw him (when we were *together* as opposed to bumping into him) I told him if he wasn't ready for a relationship I was just going to find someone else who was, and then I left. (Not very supportive of his issues?!?)
I now wonder if the combination of suggesting I was quite happy to find someone else, my history of shying away in earlier years and seeing him around town and not contacting him has inadvertently given him the impression that I was a) on a rebound mission and b) not really wanting a serious relationship.
It's just a possibility, but worth a shot do you think?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): It depends on this.If he says no will you be hurt or will you take it in your stride,forget abt him and move on?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer.I guess my decision comes down to whether I believe his reasons or not. I know well enough that the whole bad timing, I've been hurt thing is very often a line but the thing is I've known this guy for 18 years and not once has he ever shown himself to be a player - not with me or any other girl(this is a very small town and trust me reps get out). Should I give him the benefit of the doubt on this, this one last time and see what he says? At least then I'll know for sure I suppose.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2008): If you really want him to come to you ignore him.if he was really interested he would have called.Him telling that there are feelings involved and getting scared is just the crap that guys feed to us girls all the time.Stop thinking about him.I do understand that its easier said than done.Try joining some hobby classes.concentrate on something else.No guy is worth making a fool of yourself for.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Many thanks for your answers.
I just wonder if you think that if he really wanted to see me he would be the one to pick up the phone and say something like "i've seen you around town and wondered if you are back now".
I did tell him a couple of months ago that I wanted a relationship with him and he was the one to say 'no' due to bad timing and issues from the last time etc.. I'm just really worried that if I call him now he'll think I'm trying to pressure him into a relationship that he's told me he's not ready for whereas if I leave him alone he *might* come to me?
Cheers
...............................
A
female
reader, Doyouknowme  +, writes (3 October 2008):
Ok, here's what I think. First of all you have a rep of blowing him off, that may be a reason why he doesn't want to get involved with you for fear that your going to do it again, you just moved back and ran into him and he must be thinking "she said she would contact me when she moved back and I've seen her twice and no phone call" I think your giving him the impression you don't want a serious relationship. If you truly want a relationship pick up the phone and call him and let him know!! Explain why you haven't called him since you got back in town, that you wanted to give him space, but let him know when he is ready to move on with another relationship that your there waiting for him, for a real relationship not just a casual sex thing you have to let him know because I don't think this guy is psychic. Call him what's the worse that can happen, he tells you no,well then , then you'll know and you yourself can move on, or he says yes. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Fluro Girl  +, writes (3 October 2008):
 I think you should tell him.
You need to be confident and not let you boyfriend do all the work.
I think he will appreciate it if you do.
Go on!
you can do it!
...............................
|
