A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My grandma passed away in march, it still brings tears to my eyes just thinking about her. However she was 95 and was able to be in her own home which is better than other ways. I was surprised to get a summons as she left something for my children and i. I dont know what it is, but i think it could be an heirloom or money. My childrens father and i live together and do everything a couple would do but arent together as he is trying to figure out if its right. He mentioned last nite that if its money we could pay his debts off, which he accumulated b4 he met me. (about 11k total) He isnt stingy or greedy but i dont feel like i (or my grandma) should pay 4 his poor spending habits. Is this wrong of me? If its money i was hoping to prepay our bills (pg and e, water, insurance) and stock up on diapers and wipes and other neccessities. As well as put some away for our kids. Thats what i think she would want. If we married it would be different, but we r not. Is it okay to feel this way? And how would i tell him no?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 Ask him if it is fair that you give him money as if you and him are married, when you in fact are not? Tell him that when he is ready to make a commitment to you you will share money together as a married couple. But until then he, and his debt, are to struggle on their own. Really. In what universe is it fair that you pay off HIS debt when he isn't even willing to give you any form of commitment in return.
By giving him money you are committing to him financially, and he is actually really rude to even suggest this given that he commits very little to you in return. You aren't married. Enough said.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 May 2012):
 You should not pay his debt unless that is what YOU want to do with YOUR money. Use it for yourself and your children which is what your grandmother wanted.
And I can tell you this as a woman who is currently the recipient of my fiance’s grandmother’s inheritance. I did NOT want him to spend his money on me… it does make you feel more indebted to the person (if you have any ethics and morals) and that’s not a great reason to have a person stay with you. DO not do it. Because if you do and then he leaves, you will never forgive yourself.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 May 2012):
 Simply tell him that Grandma left the money to your kids. They and only they will use it. Be firm.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 Excuse me, but, ... are you out of your mind ? I think most people would think is insane just considering the possibility to use your grandma's money to pay off this guy's debts. You are not even properly together ! You are just " doing couple things ", no official title, no committment. He does not know " if it's right ". Oh so it's not right committing to you and your children... but it is right to spend YOUR money on himself ?
This guy has, both morally and legally, the same right to YOUR inheritance, as I have. As a matter of fact, I still have to finish paying my dentist, it's quite a bit of money, I could do with a good chunk of your inheritance, I invite you to send it to me, care of Dear Cupid.
What did you say : " Forget about it, you must be crazy, that money is meant for myself and my children ? "...
Exactly what you should say to your sort-of-boyfriend. And if he takes it unkindly, ... then he is NOT the right one for you ( and not viceversa ).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2012): You are right, you shouldn't be paying his bill when you aren't even together anymore. If you were married it would be different, but since your not, you should use the money for you and your children. Take care of yourself and your children first.
My friend did that with her ex whome she was living with but no longer together, as soon as the debt was paid he went out and found another woman because now he was debt free, and felt in a better position. I am not saying your ex would do that, just be careful and put yourself and your children first. Take care.
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 Tell him your parents know about it and its for the kids education. Let him find other ways to pay off his debts and even if he does come around and decides to marry you, its STILL for the kids. Don't let him become a spendthrift on your account.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 May 2012):
 You should tell him that the money was left for you and your children and must be spent on things for your children. This is HIS debt, this is not your debt. It doesn't matter where the money comes from, this is now your money and essentially he is asking you to just hand him $11,000. Especially if you're not even together, you should not be giving him money unless it's directly related to the care of your children. Maybe the situation would be different if you were married, but he should not even be asking you for that money.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (21 May 2012):
DO NOT let him know that it is money when the time comes for you to actually take the money. HE or the both of you should work off paying the debt normally. Keep the money for your kids. Have something for their future. This is the best advice I feel, and I hope you can see why.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2012): In my opion don't pay off his debts! he got them before you. you have nothing to do with them.stocking up and prepaying for things is a great idea!
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