A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has really upset me and I think I've said things a bit hastily trying to upset him back. I bought him a few presents yesterday beacause he's moving in, took him for a drink because he's only just started a new job and hasn't got much money at the moment. So he repays me by looking at some woman, she walked past us loads and kept staring at him too. It made me feel really small. We got home and when I was trying to have sex with him he's too busy on facebook in bed. We did start to mess around but he wasn't hard at all or interested in me. I looked at his facebook and some girl tagged him in a picture of herself and is liking his status. I think most women would be annoyed but when I say about it he mAkes me feel like some nagging bitch or tries to make me feel bad for having the nerve to say anything. Should I have just shut up?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (8 March 2013):
Hi there. First of all, how long have you been going out together?
I am assuming if he is moving in with you, it must be at least 6 months or more.
Most men do look at other women sometimes, it's impossible not to, if someone of the opposite sex is walking straight towards you.
And just because he actually looked at her, doesn't mean he would rather be with her than you, surely?
He is with you after all, isn't he?
It probably would have been better to have not said anything to relatiate after seeing him looking at that woman.
And most likely, that is why when you wanted to make love, that he kind of sulked on the bed and chose to go onto Facebook, to just tune out altogether.
If you haven't done so already, it would be nice if you apologised to him for saying hurtful things, and in doing this, say how you were feeling at the time when you saw him looking at that other woman.
And how it made you feel small, and unimportant.
But don't get angry or upset when you have that talk, just stay calm and speak quietly, so he knows you are no longer angry with him.
And apart from that instance when you were out, would you say you are fairly happy together, generally speaking?
And does he usually talk nice to you and doesn't swear or be nasty to you?
And does he take you to nice places and spend some money on you?
And does he treat you with dignity and respect?
And if apart from that incident recently, if every other part of your relationship is really good, and you are genuinely happy with the way things are, well then you probably don't have very much to worry about.
I really believe it would be beneficial to get it out in the open with him, and talk about it with complete honesty, just to make sure you both want the same things in your relationship.
And then you can move forward from there.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Men look at other women!
there are 3 types that i have known,
1. Passive types like to look but are faithful to the relationship in all other ways and use the mental images about other women to improve their sex life at home
2.Curious/Low self esteem types might be tempted to take things further but wont actively try to cheat on their partner but can be seduced, Their home life will remain as normal as possible and may include extra GUILT presents
3. Aggressive types WILL actively try to have sex with as many other women as possible AND try to maintain their home life without being interested in the partner at home
These are MY views on MEN and given i am one with over 40 years experience they are reasonably accurate but each person is an individual
SO the TL:DR option is you need to talk about it with him
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): He sounds bored and uninterested, do yourself a favour, move on,you can do way better.You 'reward' his bad behaviour so he knows he can do as he wants.
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