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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hey, I was dating a married man a few years ago. Not trying to break up a maarriage but because he said she cheated and they were getting a divorce. Well, the divorce never came so of course I tryed dating someone else after some years passed. It didn't work out and I did realize I loved the other guy and tryed to work things out with him. I apologized but that didn't work, so after almost a year I gave up. After that he would call talking like he wanted to work things out and then the next time he called it was like I was talking to a different person.I got so tired of this.It went on for about a year and six months and when ever I tryed to tell him how I felt he would just be mean and bring up the time I dating someone else. It's like all he could see was negative about me as if he was some angle and of course his situation still the same.I finally got to a point where I started praying for God to take the love that I had for him and just let me have a sister brother love for him.I stopped calling him because I got tired of being treated any kind of way. After some time it seem like this was working and then one day he ask to come down. Well, he talked and said he wanted us and I said no. Then, he promised he would let the pass go and do what he needed to do and I fell for it.I talked to him the next week and all he talked about was problems on his job. I told him when he called back I wanted to talk about us and he never called back. I called after a month and he said he just decided to let things go until he could get his self together. I don't believe him and my heart is crushed because I fell for this after it seem like my heart was starting to heal. It hurt so bad because I had let things go and he pleaded to me and walked away without saying a word until I called. When I stopped calling him I told him not to call me and why. he has been so evil in his ways and act like he is the only one who has ever gotten hurt. I aleast tried to be patient and wait on him.Before I dated anyone I waited 4 years for him to get his self right or aleast move out of the house with his wife.I have lost respect for this guy because i feal like he has wasted my time and played with my emotions. And no matter what happened he always had an excuse for not calling such as I was to tired, my daddy neede me, and so forth and he actually felt it was ok even if he called only 3or 4 times a month.He has said a lot of bad things to me but I have tryed to act as an adult and be mature about all of this.Should I just not accept any calls from him what so ever and do you have any advice to get him out of my heart?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): If you want any chance of being happy again you have to stop this once and for all. This guy needs to be taught a lesson. Do not answer his calls, do not call or contact him in ANY way. He knows that he can treat you like crap and get away with it so why should you expect anything less from him? By hanging on to him you're just keeping yourself trapped in this emotional pain. Let go, have a good cry then do not give this loser another second of your time or thoughts. Be brave, you can do it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): It has been over for us phyisically. I was not going to be used like that.lately it was a little phone talk and he ended things after he pleaded to me to give it another chance. I was just saying should I avoid phone calls for whatever reasons and thank all of you for your advice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): I think after all this time, and this man treating you the way he has, you have to ask yourself why are you letting him do this to you?
He is quite obviously using you, and yet you do not seem to have any self esteem or dignity for yourself.
He has controlled you for all this time!
You need to look deep into yourself to try to find the reasons for needing this man.
What, if anything does he do for you that makes you feel good right now?
You do not need him really, you just don't want to let him go, and you cling on to him, allowing him to manipulate, use and degrade you, just in the very vain hope that he will tell you he loves you, and leave his wife for you.
If he was going to do it, he would have done it by now!
He knows you will hang on waiting for him and that is why he keeps coming back.
If he loved you, he would want to be around you, a once a month phone call tells in big loud letters that he only wants you once a month!
You know the answer, and although I can understand why you find it hard to let go, you do know that letting go is what you need to do, if only for your own sanity, self respect, and so on.
Do not allow him to use or manipulate you any longer, go to assertiveness classes, or see a counsellor to help if you must.
You are stuck in a never ending circle of doubt, without love, respect or admiration from this man, and you deserve more!
Only you can do it, but you have to want to !
Good luck for the future, I hope you find someone who really loves you.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 He was bad, but you have to face the fact that you wanted him there. So you're as much to blame here as he is.
I suggest you tell him that you see the relationship going nowhere, and that you're ending it. Be direct and say that it is definitely over, and you expect him not to call you anymore, ever.
If you mean it, of course.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): you know you have wasted some years of your life, years that should have been happy productive years, with this selfish man. He is offering you nothing but lies, why should you have to put your life on hold, until he makes a decision? The answer is You own your life, You make your own decisions. And You are not his slave, or you shouldn't be. Get some backbone into you, and never speak to him again. You have tried in the past to find excuses for his nasty bad behaviour. This man is cruel. He says unkind things to you. He throws things from the past back into your face. This man is base and a loser. Surely you can see he is not, and never was, the answer? Never fall for married men lies ever again. Surely you knew he was not telling the truth with his lies about ending his marriage? If he will lie to his wife he will lie to anyone. You have tried to work it out, and that is sad, because this man is on an ego trip, always trying to waste your time with his petty self absorbed self. End this going no where wasted relationship. End it physically and in your head and in your heart. Change your phone number and do Not warn him in advance that you will change your phone number. If he writes to you send the letter back unopened as 'return to sender'. Change your email. Refuse to open the door to him. Get the police if he causes trouble. You have given this man far too much of your life. You do deserve better.
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