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age
36-40,
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writes: I don't know what to do. My ex says he loves me, he always wants to hang out and always tries to hook up with me but says he doesn want a girlfriend right now. He has given me every excuse on the book for not wanting a girlfriend. First because he cant afford to have one (wich i think is a stupid excuse because we never go out to eat or anything anyways) then he said because he's too busy, then he said because having a gf will only distract him with the things he wants to achieve, then because he's scared it won't work out, and many other reasons, but each time is a different excuse. Somtimes he says he doesn't know if he wants to get back together, and what the hell am I supossed to do??? wait for him to know what he wants?? I obviously still want to be with him, but he told me that RIGHT NOW he can only be friends with benefits or only friends. He played so many mind games with me and got me to have sex with him a couple times giving me hopes that we were gonna get back together :'( and now i feel used and stupid for falling for that. He told me that hooking up with him was gonna help him decide if he wanted to get back together or not. If I ignore him he will call me after a week or a month and tells me he wants to be friends. I told him that i cant be friends with him because I want to be able to move on and he will say that its stupid not to be friends and that if i dont wanna talk everyday then we could talk once a week but once a week its too much!!! I think never talking again will be the best for me to move on. What should I do?? Keep being friends with him for a couple of months and then give him and ultimatum to make a decision and if he decides no walk away forever?? He always tells me I will never find anybody better than him and I think its really getting to my head. Help please. This is horrible. He has me wrapped around his fingers. I don't like him having all this power over me but i'm letting him in case he changes his mind. Is he stringing me along?? Please help me. I need an outside view on this.
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female
reader, Pheebs1201  +, writes (19 November 2009):
Oh my goodness. This guy sounds awful. I realise that you are clearly deeply emotionally attatched to this boy, but by the sounds of it he is completely using you for sex. You have obviously given him plenty of chances to change and now is the time to walk away. Cutting all contact seems wise, so that he cannot tempt you back with false promises. This will be a hard time and you must be in alot of pain but you deserve alot better. Face the truth and move on.He doesnt deserve your friendship or your love.
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