A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Today is my boyfriend and I's ten months. We've been going strong so far, but tonight tests us...About a year ago (before we were dating), I was trying to get into modeling. I went to a photographer who was fairly well-known, and seemed professional. He also lived and worked near me, so I didn't have much doubt about him. Back in October or November of last year, I went to a photoshoot with him as my photographer. He said that it was going to be bathing suit, bra/panties. I was okay with that, seeing as I wasn't in a relationship, and I wasn't going to do nudity. I did, however, pose for implied nudity (lowered by shirt, covered my breasts with my hands). The shoot went well, though I was freezing the whole time.I didn't get the pictures back until February of this year because of all the editing the photographer had to do. When he finished, he e-mailed me all the photos. I scanned through them and instantly was drawn to my facial expressions and body size. The ones that looked the least bit attractive I deleted instantly before my boyfriend could see them (I was self-conscious). My face in the photo where I covered my breasts was not the least bit appealing, and seeing as I wasn't posting these to the internet, I didn't even bother showing my boyfriend. He claims that he asked me at the time of receiving these photos if I had done any topless? I honestly don't remember what I said to him about it.Well, months upon months have gone by, and I had forgotten all about that photoshoot, and had given up on modeling when I began dating my boyfriend. Well, just this evening (while I was at work) a former friend of my boyfriend texted him and said that those photos were on a website. My boyfriend looked at them and texted me, so I came home on my lunchbreak to talk to him and ask him about the photos. I assumed it might have been the ones of me in my underwear or bikini. I explained to him that it happened a while ago, and then he mentioned that his former friend told him (she's sent him topless pictures of her before, even once when we were dating. And she's also slept around quite a bit), and I flipped out. He hasn't spoken to this girl in months, and she texts him out of nowhere to say that. I freaked out on him a little bit about that, and then he asked how I could lie to him.First of all, I didn't know the photos were online. Second of all, I don't remember ANY of the conversation that was held that day. He claims that I told him that I had never done nudity or implied nudity. I agree that I would've claimed to never having done nudity, because I haven't, but I don't know if at the time I would've literally lied to him about doing implied nudity. And now he's sitting here telling me to apologize for it and admit that I had done him wrong.I broke down, thinking he was going to break up with me (I don't have the highest self-esteem). I couldn't breathe and I became nauseous. He sat there giving me a lecture about how what happened with the photos was my burden to bear, and that he had a hard time being in a relationship where lies or even half-truths were told. Again, I don't remember many specifics from back in February.I have also just recently (as of three months ago) gotten over an eating disorder (bulimia) of five years. During his lecture I was trying so hard not to break down sobbing. I felt like trash, scum - I felt like the worst person on the planet. I was shaking violently and became nauseous, so when he finished talking, I bolted into the bathroom and gagged (didn't throw up, though). I then sat on the floor sobbing and thinking about the situation. I returned the bedroom after about ten minutes and laid down. I apologized to him for lying for whatever reason occured to me back then. He stopped me and said that he wasn't up for discussing it any further tonight. I got so angry, and I was so hurt. He said that he was tired of hearing my excuses (I was trying to explain the reasons for the shoot, and the reasons for my reaction when I got home). Then he accused me of snapping at him - that I would apologize for "whatever it was that he wanted me to apologize for". I literally didn't say that, but it's what he heard... He then continued to say that he didn't respect me for breaking down like I did. He said that it was childish and didn't help to solve anything. He said that the "stunt" I pulled with running into the bathroom and sobbing after resorting to my old habit of bulimia was immature and pointless, and that he keeps hearing lie after lie when I tell him I didn't. He said that he wasn't angry about it when he asked me about it at first, but with the way I reacted to him, it made him get fired up.I'm so hurt right now. I don't know who's right or wrong in this. I don't know who's emotions are justified and who's aren't. I can't go back into the bedroom. I'm still sick to my stomach. I don't want to lose him, but I don't know how I can justify my actions. He just doesn't want to hear any of it.Please help me...
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at work, breasts, immature, liar, my ex, text, the internet, underwear, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2009): I did sign a contract with the photographer. I didn't know about this website however. I'm not angry that they're up (they're not nudity. My hands are covering up almost my entire breasts), I just didn't know that they were until last night happened. I never went onto the website. The photographer is a legitimate one, and does this very often. He's asked me to shoot with him a couple more times, but I've declined as I'm not interested in modeling anymore. I just wish I had had the opportunity to show my boyfriend instead of him getting a text from a former friend.
And he's telling me that I lied about having done "implied nudity" shoots before. I honestly do not remember that conversation, but I apologized to him. I said that if I truly did, then I'm sorry, but I can't apologize completely for something that I don't recall saying. I do, however, regret that my actions hurt him in any way, regardless of my intentions with them.
As far as my bulimia, I'm fine with it. I didn't throw up last night (just gagged), and I certainly didn't make myself. I've come three months without doing it, and I refuse to relapse. I did it on my own, and I'm very proud of myself for it.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (19 November 2009):
 Yes, what kind of contract did you sign with this photographer?If he retained sole rights to the photos he can use them in any way that he wants. But the issue with anything in our age is that photos taken of these types are bound to wind up on the net someway or another. Basically once you take a pic these days say goodbye to privacy. I mean look how many people on social sites post copyrighted photos? all somebody has to do when they upload them is click that box that says they have the right to post them, and regardless if they do or not, sites generally don't check it unless it is a flagged photo by someone.I own a couple of adult sites myself that are fairly small so I have to check for copyrights on vids and photos, but because I am small I am an exception. Anything that I see a watermark or a copyright or trademark symbol is ejected off my sites for exactly this reasonI suggest you look over your agreement that you have with the photog, if you had one. If you didn't haver any written agreement you are shit outta luck. And sadly because people like to copy photos like that you can rest assured your photos are on more than one site. That is almost certain.As far as your BF, I think that right now he isnt going to listen to anything you say. Whatever the circumstance becuase he feels you lied to him. So Id just let him have some time to either get over it or not. I mean the cat is out of the bag either way, and perception is his reality, which does not bode well for you.Please see a health professional if you feel your eating disorder is being triggered again by this incident. As much as you may love your BF YOUR HEALTH MUST COME FIRST REGARDLESS
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