A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I posted on here recently about an internet dating experience and got some great advice, so I thought I'd look on here again for some more advice.I met a guy on the internet at the start of December. We started talking via MSN and webcam straight away and within a few days we were chatting for about 5 hours every day. After a week we also spoke on the phone for 2 hours a day and texted throughout the day. We decided to meet at the start of the year. We live a few hundred miles apart so he came up to me and we stayed in a hotel.We got on brilliantly and after 3 days together it was really hard to say goodbye. A few days later we agreed I'd come down to visit him as I don't have a job at the moment and he does. This meant we could spend the most time together (Friday afternoon until Monday morning) as I could travel while he worked.I've now done this for the last 4 weekends and it's getting harder to leave each other each week. We've already said we love each other and it's very serious. I've decided to move down to be nearer to him and try to get any job (I've been looking for an IT job at the mo). He's keen for me to move in with him while I find a job. The problem is he lives with his parents. He's never lived away from them. I am currently living with my Mum but that's only while I look for a job. I have lived away from them for the last 6 years. He says his parents don't mind me staying but I just feel like I'll be imposing. They are really nice people and I think they'd probably say it's ok even if it wasn't. What do you think? Should I move in with them temporarily or move down in to my own flat and hope I find a job before my savings run out? (Staying where I am is technically an option but the cost of trains each week is about equal to weekly rent anyway, and atleast I'd see him during the week too). Any similar experiences or advice greatly appreciated.Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Red Flags
He is in his mid 20's or older and he is still living at
home with his parents
He is telling you he loves you after only really seeing you a few times
You are willing to move away from your family and life to live with him without knowing much about him.
The thing is you are in fantasy land here. There is a danger in feeling a strong connection with a man and here is what it is: You have some INTENSE feelings, feelings like this are your perceptions and perception is not REALITY.....your feelings are masking reality for you.
I understand your desire to move closer so that you can see how the relationship will go, but it is highly immature of him to go this fast and ask you to move in with his parents who would be supporting you both...what does that tell you about his sense of responsibility for caring for himself? It's not good.
Personally, I think you should stay put and find a job at home and continue a long distance relationship if you want to and to keep your head about you I think you might want to continue to date others closer to home instead of someone you met on line.
But if you are hell bent on moving to where he lives, don't be a mooch, stay a week and look for a job and then go home..... If you find one and until you find one, move up there and keep your own place, because if things end up not working out, you won't be out on the street or having to live in an uncomfortable situation.
Keep your independence.....you do not know this man well enough, right now you are in lust, you are infatuated which means you are projecting your own idea of him onto him...you need to test this relationship through time.....cause he is on his best behavior right now and so are you.
Wish you all the best
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