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anonymous
writes:Hey, my boyfriend joined the army June last year. He would have finished training ages ago but things keep happening. First he got injured and couldn’t complete the course. And now he’s been delayed again for other reasons. I haven’t seen him since June last year, apart for a few days at Christmas, but I still have to wait until July for him to get back... I don’t know if I love him, but I think I might, and I want to give it a chance.... He’s not the brightest pebble in the bunch, but he can be really sweet when he wants to be and he says he loves me (I’m careful with that, because even though he’s never done anything wrong to me, he has a big history as a player... I was one of his best friends for the past three years, and I’ve watched him chew through girl after girl, breaking all their hearts). Anyway, I'm a 19 year old university student, still living with my parents. I have the finances to move out, and I'm sick of living at home, but I don't think moving OUT is enough. I want to move AWAY. The city I'm planning on moving to I've always loved and wanted to live in. Plus there’s this great guy (actually, a REALLY great guy) who lives there. I’ve known him since I was 6, and for the past year we’ve been writing each other increasingly intimate emails, and we’ve been getting closer than ever.I’m sick of waiting for my boyfriend to come back, and even though I want to give him a chance, my parents are beginning to suffocate me. Should I move away, and give my childhood-friend turned pen-pal a chance? Or stay and wait for the prodigal boyfriend to come home?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would be continuing uni at this new city (in fact, my current university has a reputation as being a bit lax, and no-one takes it seriously. I would be better off studying at this new place). Either way, thanks to both of you.
For what it's worth I've decided to stay for the rest of the year and give my bf a chance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): Anonymous, it seems as if you are really answering your own question. I don't know what, if any, commitment you may have made with the boy friend. What are his letters, or whatever, saying to you? Is he expecting you to wait? What are his plans? You need to know this before you take on the role of "faithful Penelope". Boyfriend does not appear to have a good track record for relationships. Now, as to your own plans....Is it really so horrible living at home and going to university? Do you really want to stay in school? Maybe you are undecided about this. What are your ambitions? Would you still be continuing school in the other city near "childhood friend"? What is he doing now? You leave a lot out of your scenario. Hard to say what it is you are looking for. Do you know? Pardon me, but most dedicated students who are persuing a particular goal are willing to deal with a little "delayed reward". If you feel your parents are smothering you, why not get your own apartment and continue with your education? You say you have the means. I think you may be dwelling too much on boyfriends and potential boyfriends than you are about school. Freshman year is a difficult one. It is not like high school. The load is all on you. You aren't coddled and "encouraged" daily by teachers to "do your best". They assume you either are or aren't, and could basically care less. "If you want it, here it is. If not, get out... and stop wasting your parents money and taking up space." It is a sudden introduction to Life 101 for many. Think carefully about what you want from your future,...and what you are willing to do for it. At nineteen, potential boyfriends will be there for a long, long time.
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reader, dragonette  +, writes (27 March 2007):
 My 2 cents on the issue is to wait until your boyfriend comes home in July because:
1. Then you can see how you feel about him. If he doesn't fit you when he comes back (lots of guys change while they're in the army), then by all means, go ahead and move.
2. If you move away now and get a relationship started with this other guy you might always wonder how it would have been if you had waited for your boyfriend.
3. July is only 4 months away. It's not that long time.
4. If you're moving you're gonna need all the money you can get, this gives you 4 months more to work and save money (provided you have an extra job beside the studies).
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