A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I recently started talking again with an ex I dated briefly. We only went out for a few months and then broke up because she was too busy for a relationship with her job and also being a single mom. A couple months passed without speaking and then we started cordially chatting on Facebook. Several days ago she told me she is seriously considering moving to Los Angeles this summer and was asking if I would come with her. I've been wanting to move there for awhile and it never happened. She is saying we could be roommates because the cost of living is pretty high and she didn't think she could afford a decent place on her own. She has a very good job and makes a decent salary but with her 2 kids, it could be tough.We have been talking almost daily for the past week and then got dinner last night. I'm still very attracted to her and we were definitely flirting but she seemed to be avoiding placing a label on our status. I guess it's just a lot to figure out with money, a job, finding a place to live and living with her and her kids (who I know and like) but still awkward. I guess I'm also not sure what to tell people about our situation. She keeps saying we can worry about that later, let's just focus on the actual move and finding jobs there. I just know my family and friends are going to think I'm a nut for just uprooting my life for someone who hasn't been in it long. How do I explain this to them? They know I've wanted to move for awhile.. but everything is happening so suddenly. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): Thanks guys, I'm the OP. I appreciate your thoughts and advice. I agree- I could only completely move my life for either a good friend or someone I was in a serious relationship with. I think I need to tell her unless we either take more time to consider this or at least stay here another year and become a couple, I won't take this seriously.
A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (8 January 2014):
I totally agree with cerberus and iamheretohepyou" on this one. She's ignoring your concern but wants you to consider and agree with her to move. How insane. She's doing a horrible job of selling the trip. If you have no kids and a stable track record of working and holding your own pretty well then no wonder she wants you. Also she stated you'd be roommates. Want to move completely away for a roommate. Not unless you two were friends for many years and both had offers in Los Angeles or unless you guys were already a couple who both wanted this. But to all a sudden have free time after being so busy and ask a huge question like move with me and split the bills in another state. It is virtually saying will you be so kind as to let me take advantage of you until I meet someone who will take over after you for now I need you to help out with bills and babysitting. You seem like you'd be there for me so I'd like you to up and come with me. Leave behind your job and family but I'm not sure if we'll actually be a romantic couple but definitely roommates for sure. OP is that what you want? Tell your life just suddenly became too busy and you'll have to get back with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): "She keeps saying we can worry about that later"
Then she's a total idiot OP. This is a huge move, a big deal and one that needs to be planned and thought through for you. She's obviously put a lot of thought into it already.
You know if you ask me it sounds like you're more a convenience and someone she can use to make the move easier than anything else. A ready made baby sitter, sex on tap and someone to pay the bills with her and make her life easier.
OP this is a woman who was "too busy" for you and now all of a sudden she's not too busy now that she has a use for you? How does that sound in any way appealing to you. Especially seeing as she wants you to "worry about it later" when you clearly need to know what the deal between you is before you make any kind of move.
It's a bad idea OP, I mean seriously if you can't see how you're just a convenience to her and nothing more then you're in for trouble. Especially seeing as she's trying to deflect your concerns to "later". That is thoughtless as hell and more than a little devious too. She doesn't want you consulting with the people who love and care about you the most because she knows they'll be honest and tell you it's a horrible idea, which it is.
I think you know this too OP, I think you like the idea of this all working out, you living in LA and you two becoming something. But the fact is she's not thinking about you in this equation at all other than someone who can make her move a lot easier. I mean she's too busy to date you but not too busy to have you come take care of her kids and pay half her bills when you move to LA.
I think she's dangling the idea of you finally getting to have her and your dream move to LA to use you. Don't let your feelings make you a fool here OP, you're old enough to know what kind of person only has time for you when they need you for something.
Oh and she covered her ass too, OP, when she said "room mates", if you think it'll be anything more serious you're wrong. She wasn't bothered with you before and in my mind she's very clearly going to pay you again.
Talk to your friends and family and ignore her bullshit about worrying about it later. This isn't some romantic impulse on her part, and I suspect the only reason she's gotten back in contact at all is because she sees you as a solution to a practical problem and not some grand romantic gesture, no matter what she says.
Be careful here, OP. People like her will go to extraordinary lengths to get what they want and she may even start playing the role of girlfriend and giving you what you want until she gets what she wants from you. But her intentions are very clear to me and they will be to the ones who really do love you. Take their advice, trust them and don't let your vagina become your decision maker in this. This is a woman who will most likely use your feelings for her to get what she wants, but she has proven beyond a doubt she doesn't really have much of them for you.
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