A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together for 15yrs and married for 5yrs. We have 2 kids, 3 and 1. My husband also has 2 daughters from his previous marriage, aged 27 and 22 who live with their mother and usually spend Sundays with us. I have a really good relationship with the older daughter but I've never been able to get very close to the younger daughter, in fact neither has my husband. My husband is a very dedicated and caring father and although he made every effort to prepare the girls for our marriage, the younger one didnt come to our wedding and we assumed it was out of "loyalty" to her mother although I was not the cause of their divorce. My husband had been divorced for 3 years when we met. We have recently discovered that she has lots of issues surrounding their divorce, the non-relationship with me, not having her own room in our house, to name but a few. She has not been coming on Sundays and wants me to bring my children to meet her mother. I am not at all comfortable with taking my little kids as I am not sure it will be a civil meeting. Before we got married my husband tried to arrange a meeting between me and the ex but she wasn't ready. The only contact I have ever had with her was really awful experiences. About a year after we started dating his ex-wife started making abusive phone calls to me and threatened to come to my work place. On one occaision she came round and damaged my car, broke the pot plants, pulled the blinds through the open windows while I locked myself in the house and hid in the bedroom.I want to develop a better relationship with my stepdaughter - should I go ahead and meet her mother even though I am not comfortable with it.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Is your step daughter trying to get you killed??? I would NOT go and meet your husband's crazy ex wife! Besides, his ex wife has nothing to do with you and your stepdaughter's relationship. That woman doesn't need to be a part of your life.
For whatever the 22 year old daughter's reasons are for resenting you, it's really not worth risking your safety and your children's to try to win her over. She's a 22 year old, not a child, you can't change her resentment by trying to go along with what she says. Chances are if she can't accept her own father then she may never accept you. Or maybe she'll grow up and see you're not her enemy.
I would do what you can for now to make her part of the family (minus anything to do with her mother) but you can't force her to like you. Like I said she's an adult, she has to want to have a relationship with you..right now she doesn't.
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