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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,Should I marry my fiance? Please advise me. I met him 3 years ago online. We chated online and we liked each other. So we decided to meet. When I met him face to face I didnt fancy him at all. But he was nice person and very kind with good heart. So I went home dissappointed. But we kept in touch. We kept in touch for a while. After few months we met and we became a couple.I wanted to give it a chance. I was trying to concentrate on his inside rather then outside. There wasnt spark from my side. But he liked and fancied me very much. Now we togather for 3 years (lived togather for 2 years) but in this 3 years I had doubts if he is the right person for me a few times. And I keep thinking about it and makes me unsure and unhappy.We got engaged last year. He is nearly 31 and Im nearly 25. We also stared to plan wedding. But I dont want to get married to someone I have doubts about especially before the wedding.What if I do a mistake and then its too late?! I do like him. We do argue and sometimes its a lot. There are things I dont like about him but we could try to sort them out. One of the things is our sex life. Its not what I would expected. I cant get turned on by him - and I think its because I dont fancy him as a man and I didnt in first place. Is this why? So should I spend my life with this person? We also have a house togather where I did lots of work and spent lots of money on it as well. Please advise what to do as I really dont know and cant decide. I know he loves me a lot but Im not sure if I do the same way. I know I like him a lot sometimes I feel I love him as well and also I dont want to hurt him as he was hurt by his ex-fiance before and also I would feel bad infront of his parents or friends.Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): I read your question and felt that I needed to answer as you appear to be going down the same path as I did and I am now considering divorse and I have a young child. All I can say is DON'T DO IT. Listen to yourself, beleive your gut feeling. You can't make yourself love him if it is not naturally there no matter how much you want it. Just be patient and wait for the Mr. Right rather than trying to make Mr Wrong right! It may seem like a difficult decision to make now, but in a few months time you will be really pleased you made it. Hope it all works out for you.
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (1 July 2006):
 I personally dont believe that you should stay with him because you have a house together...at the end of the day,its only brick and water.From day 1 when you 1st clapped eyes on him you said you wasn't attracted to him...and you still arn't,yet you still carried on...having an relationship with him...maybe you thought he would grow on you but now after 3 years and a engagment ring on your finger you are realising that he isn't the man for you.Really you let this thing go on,too long...It sounds like you dont want to hurt his feelings by splitting up with him but i can assure you that you wont be doing him any favours by staying either.Also you are trying to convince yourself that all this doubts will sort itself out...but it wont.I think you should tell him straight on how you feel...it will be hard but you dont want to look back in another 2 years time and kicking yourself for ever marrying him...divorce would be so messy.
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