A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my fiance watches porn. It has been two encounters where I have been sleep, wake up to find him in the other room butt naked looking at a porno movie, and butt naked sitting in front of the computer. I guess he was going to masterbate to it until I came in, cussed him out and called his ass a pervert. After the last time I caught him naked(the computer incident) I told him that it needed to stop. I was looking at the history and seeing websites that he would go to EARLY in the morning,before the sun would even come out.I told him that I think that he was addicted to it and that if it didnt stop that I wasnt going to marry him because I wasnt going thru that. He said that he would stop so I threw away the 3 movies that he had. I assumed he stopped going to it because the history never showed any, unless he was erasing it.Now that his laptop is back working not to long ago he thought that I was sleep and I happened to glance over to see him looking at porno websites again! Then I looked at the emails and seen where he had registered with a free porn website, but when I ask him about it he still says he doesnt look at it. He doesnt know the last time I seen him, and he doesnt know that I seen where he had registered. I don't see the point in watching it and I personally think it is very disrespectful to watch it after I asked you not to.I would like to hear opinions from others on what they would do in this situation.I been with him for years so I would hate to end a relationship over it,but at the same time I'm no fool. I wouldnt marry him right now where I am not pleased with what he is doing because I know it's not going to change. I asked him before to stop and he tells me that he will, and look where we are. Any advice would be great.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): This is the start of many of the same problems for you guys....it never ends...trust me...you will only end up hurting yourself.
If he wants to stop and be with you thats his choice if he doesnt get out of that relationship!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): dont listen to people who are all like ALL MEN WATCH PORN ... its not true! i have an amazing bf who is totally faithful to me and never watches porn i know this because im with him like ALL the time and like he keeps his history open for me to see and i know like every inch of his house... no hidden porn! haha and we totally trust each other and its all sweet! so there ARE awesome guys out there! not all guys are stupid and pathetic porn freaks evenn though it might seem like it!
i totally understand how you feel and have had that problem before.. i ended the relationship it felt bad of course BUT i got over it and went through several more with the same sorta problem and eventually i found the amazing bf that i have now!!
you DONT have to put up with it!
be inspired!! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): Rubbish its not a big deal....its a HUGE deal....he clearly is not stated by your body alone....its up to you to decide whether you are happy being with a man who wants to look at other womens naked bodies to get of and decide if thats the life you want...dont let all these people scare you by saying you have to accept it and that all men do it....thats a lie...men do what the heck we women accept....
If your ok about it now, will you still be ok after you have some kids together and your body changes and you age and he's still getting of to 20yr olds???? big things to think about but ultimately only you can decide...
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A
female
reader, @pril +, writes (24 November 2008):
 I agree with everyone about it not being a big deal.If its not obsessive then dont worry.My husband likes Transexual porn but is in denial.It could be worse,TRUST me! I watch with my husband when things didnt get so out of hand,I admit the first couple years together I tore his butt up when I caught him,now I wonder if it was my fault that he went into hiding so deeply with it.I wish I had been more understanding to the ways of men.Try reversing the situation one night.Stay up late and while in bed watch a porn with a beefy hunk in it...make sure he knows and see what he does? Its a good way to let them know how you feel.Then again he may like it,and you too as well.My heart goes out to you but if you love him,dont give him cause to hide.OH,and he sounds pretty normal guy-ish to me!;) Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2008): A majority of men watch porn. It is perfectly healthy. I agree that if you cannot handle it, you will have difficulty in any relationship.Don't sweat over something so small. If you really love the guy, show some trust in him and respect his privacy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2008): Read the thread I started yesterday:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/male-female-masturbation-double-standards.html
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 November 2008):
 I'll be honest with you. I really agree with Flynn 24 here. If you can't deal with a little porn usage, you are in for a real rocky road trying to find a fella who doesn't indulge.
Here are the real questions: does your man make you feel good about yourself? Is he trustworthy, respectful, thoughtful and sweet? Is his priority your happiness? Will he make a good father and husband? Does he listen to you and open up to you? Do you have an active sex life together? Does he love to be intimate with you? Kiss you, hold you, give you pleasure?
If he's not measuring up as a good husband, don't marry him. Don't leave him because he has three porno movies and is signed up on a free porn website. That's nothing, sweetness, NOTHING. At least he doesn't have a small library and tons of expensive porn memberships online. He seems like every other fella on the face of the planet.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): Why are you even making such a big deal out of this?
Men watch Porn. Any man that doesn't, or hasn't, doesn't deserve that title.
That said, you obviously have a problem with it and the least he could do is try and reach a compromise.
You ask a lot for a guy to stop watching porn and masturbating. It ain't ever gonna happen. Just ask him to be more discreet about it or stop checking up on him if you don't like it.
Flynn 24
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