A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, thanks for reading on, in advance.So my problem is, my boyfriends birthday is in august. His mum and dad want to take us to scotland to visit family. I have been once before and for me its not a holiday, I'm on edge all of the time as I can't seem to relax around these people who I don't know that well. So he only just told me now! And I don't want to go at all. I've told him I've already planned something for his birthday.The last time we talked about going to scotland he agreed not to go so that we could save up and have a holiday on our own next year to somewhere nice!I just don't know whether to go to scotland to make him happy or to persist and say that I have made plans for him and that I didn't think it would be a problem as he agreed not to go to scotland this year! Sorry for the long question, if you need any other details then just ask. Xx Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, his birthday is in 2months and his cousin is coming to england instead of us going to scotland (it was his turn anyway) so no need for anyone to compromise and my boyfriend will be happy. X
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. My main problem is not with his mum and dad but with the family who we would be staying with, his auntie and uncle. Last time we went to see them I just felt as if my boyfriend was leaving me alone with a different person every day. I'd have to spend time alone with his cousins girlfriend (who I'd never met before, and she wasn't welcoming!) Even the house that we stay in is horrible, its a massive house but its so untidy, it stinks of smoke and the bed that we had to have last time we stayed was damp because it hadn't been used, the place is discusting. I'm shy too, so I just struggle to make conversation and I don't like getting involved a lot of the time. I tend to take a back seat in whatever they do. I know that scotland is important to him because its a chance to see his family but I hate being with them 24/7 and I hate being in that house all of the time too. If we stayed in a hotel and just visited them it wouldn't be as bad but I know that this isn't an option for him. Xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Hi,If going to Scotland with his family is important to him, you shouldn´t stop him from going. Just because you are in a relationship with him, you don't own his birthdays. If it's very uncomfortable for you, you shouldn't go either, but if you are serious about this guy, you can´t just be uncomfortable around his family. Of couse it´s uncomfortable for all uf us to be around the in-laws, as you say, you don't know them that well, but you could take this trip as an oportunity to get to know them better. If you show geniune interest in each of them as a person and not just part of the bunch of your boyfriend's family, you'll have an easier time around them, they'll see you as a nice person and you'll probably see that you have things or interests in common if not with all of them, at least with someone.You can't just go through a relationship avoiding the family of the other part, or else, if you ended up getting married I can assure you your mariage would be doomed from the beggining, remember that when you marry someone you don't marry just one person, you marry their family.If you want to go on vacation with him somewhere else, why does it have to be in his birthday. Is nice that you show interest in him by making plans for both of you, but he is not a pet, he has a life too and should take part in the decision.Figure out what you want and talk to him about t it, find out waht he wants, let him talk and tell him what you whant and what if important for you. If he had agreed on something with you, trell him you felt bad about him changing his mind on something you had already agreed, maybe he thought he was free and that's why he had agreed, and now it turns out he isn't.I think that the fact his parents are inviting you shows great consideration for you. Are you showing the same consideration for them.Relationships are about compromising, so what are you willing to do?
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