A
male
age
30-35,
*andomando
writes:My ex and I broke up. she wants to be freinds and talk. I cant be just her friend. I love her too much. I have told her I dont want to be friends. I told her to just move on and she doesnt. I dont want her to move on at all but she has told me that she doesnt want to get back together. Then why does she keep texting me? She begs me to stop ignoring her. she texts me everyday and says i miss you and stuff, can we talk please. I cant be her friend. I want her back so bad but shes telling me one thing and showing me something different. Is this being selfish that I ignore her through this ruff time? I came back to visit her this week (i live 3 hours away) and we talked and when I was about to leave she said goobye to me and started to cry and hold me. and she didnt hold me at all during previous encounters. Then she started to kiss me. and we kissed for what seemed like forever. But the other times I saw her she said we arent getting back together and Im confused. It was my fault we broke up I screwed up. It was not okay what I did but I mean it wasnt so bad that we couldnt get through it. I dont know what to do. Im getting mixed signals from her. I just want her to leave me alone if there is no hope to get her back. But shes telling me one thing and showing me something different. Im not a mind reader. Should I leave her alone and continue to ignore her or should I be there for her and try to win her back? even tho I think If i am just going to be there for her, and talk to her that she will get over me.
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female
reader, librafairy  +, writes (18 October 2011):
Take it from me I think she still loves you who ended the relationship if it was you maby she is scared you ganna break her heart again tell her how you feel about her and how much you miss her she might be feeling the same. I'm kinda in a similar situation.I just wish he would cough up and confess that he miss me and love me
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): I am in a very similar situation. I think you need to tell her how you feel, that it hurts to keep talking to her but not having anything more than what you want. After telling her that I would ask her (depending on her response) If she wants a relationship or not, and if not it will hurt you too much to remain friends with her.
You never know, maybe she thinks you are the one sending mixed signals by ignoring her. Maybe she's trying to establish something via text but keeps getting shot down. Just a thought, always try to see the situation from someone else's shoes. good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 October 2011):
Continue to ignore her and continue to maintain silence. Believe me, this approach worked for me a few years ago.
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (11 October 2011):
 She is being very selfish, and hurting you.I've been in your shoes, and it's a horrible place to be - but it does get better!!The next time she texts you, be clear in your response - tell her this hurts, I can't be your friend, I need time and space to consider myself. I will contact you in the future if I think I can be friends with you, right now I can't.Then do not respond to anything, delete the messages, delete the emails, do not answer the calls. Wait at least two weeks, reasses how you feel.Your not being selfish she left you, and you need time to asses your feelings. When I broke all contact, initially I go the "I miss you, I feel upset" etc etc - but it wasn't because my ex was in love with me, he just felt lonely. I took time and I am now with a fabulous man who loves me for me. Sometimes relationships are a bit like smoking, you know it's bad for you, you know you would feel better without it - but breaking the habit is hard.I wish you all the best x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): No, I think she is sending a mixed signal. If she just wanted to be friends she wouldn't suddenly cry and kiss you, even if you visited.
This is a complex issue. Next time she texts just respond that you need space and you're not ignoring her, but you can't be friends at this time. Say you won't text again, then stick to it. If she doesn't want you back, then she needs to behave that way. You can't be friends, that whole "we can be friends" thing works out very rarely and never when there are feelings left over.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 October 2011):
 You're sending the mixed messages.
You're ignoring her and telling her to stop texting you, yet you visit her THIS WEEK and the two of you make out?
You can't stay in this limbo. It's very unhealthy for the both of you. She wants to keep contact and also makes out with you, yet she just wants to be friends.
She doesn't want to get back with you, so your choice is clear, and that is to cut off all contact. You staying in contact and driving to visit her is masochistic and is hurting you.
Tell her that you can't and won't be just friends, and that if she wants you back, it's all the way back. If she wants only a friendship, you can't do that. That is the healthy course of action. It's not good to stick around and hope she changes her mind.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 October 2011):
 you are not being selfish she is.
if you can't deal with being friends with her then have no contact. I can never deal with being just friends...
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A
female
reader, Jennibug +, writes (11 October 2011):
 Speaking as a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend because he "messed up", let me explain to you just what she is feeling. I don't know the particulars of what exactly you did wrong, but my guess would be that she was very upset and angry with you for whatever it was you did. But she wanted you learn a lesson, that you shouldn't ever do that again if you want to be with her. Obviously whatever you did was bad if she said she didn't ever want to be with you again, but... Girls lie. Esspecially after they've been hurt. And girls are amazing actresses, so it might have seemed for a while that she didn't want to get back together with you, but most girls can't cry on demand. That is the key I think to your situation, if there was no hope she wouldn't have teared up. She wants to be with you, that much is obvious, since she kissed you and cried and is trying to communicate with you. It just might take a while to convince her you are trustworthy, and worth the risk of getting hurt again. So my advice is don't ever give up on the person you love. Life is too short to live it with regrets. If you love her, and you want to be with her, never tell her to move on. Tell her you'll always be there for her, that you're sorry for the things you've done, and hope that in time you can prove to her that she is the most important thing in your life. Until then fight on, it will be hard, but love is always worth it.Good luck!
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