A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married 13 years. When dating, we both liked to drink and party quite a bit.Now our children 12 year old twins) are older, and I find that I am not as interested in drinking nearly as much as he. Yes, I have changed, since I have become a mom. But, my husband seems to think that I am not nearly as much fun as I used to be. Now, my idea of fun is not sitting around drinking to oblivion, its going and doing something active, or even doing something culteral with the family.Anyway, ny husband seems to be drinking more and more lately, adding shots of tequila to his repertoire.I get more and more angry the more he drinks, but he says that he functions because he gets up the next day and works out and goes to work.He is not an angry drunk, actually hes really funny, but, its not good for him, or for the family to have alcohol play such a big part in hos life.Should I continue as is, or make a stand that he stop drinking so heavily?Thanks,MandM
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female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (3 June 2008):
 I agree very much with what Irish49 has stated. Once being married to an alcoholic, there drinking ONLY becomes progressive with time. The ONLY thing I can say, is that YOU cannot make him quit. He has to want to, otherwise, he has to face his rock bottom. The only thing you can do, is let him know HOW it affects you and the family and what it is doing to him. After that, he really is "on his own". If he "finally" see's your point, you could ask him to seek help with AA - listed in your phone book. Alanon helped me, however, it is a place to help you with living with an alcoholic and ease your life listening to others what they have gone through and sharing with them if you feel you can open up. It is not a place to MAKE him sober.
I did not have children with my ex, however, I can only imagine what you feel and why. My concern is them taking after him, watching him and knowing that he drinks constantly. That is not something you want them to do I'm sure. He also needs to realize this as well. Any alcoholic will give you an excuse, make it seem validated for their reasoning and hope you go along with it. What I can say is, if he becomes violent, then YOU need to take drastic measures. (mine did)
Maybe also suggest more "outings" to where he might not drink so he can be more active with your family. If he still wants to drink...like before you leave...and if he does want to drink daily or even heavily on the weekends to "unwind"...you have problems on your hands and this is not something to take lightly.
I don't want you to think all marriages will wind up in divorce because of this, mine just lied all the time and cheated throughout our marriage and became violent at times. Most certainly I could no longer "help" him till he wanted to help himself. Best is to have a serious one on one talk with him first and let him know your concerns and see what he feels, however, you must think of all the reasons of why and what it is doing to you and your family first.
Best of luck to you and your family...we are always here to listen.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): MandM, let's call this what it is because I noted the '"A" word is discretely not mentioned in your posting. If he is drinking even just one drink a day to function...he's an alcoholic and he needs help. So your concerns are big red flags in your marriage because if he's drinking himself to oblivion and not giving of himself to the wife and kids---what really, truely matters is that drinking to him, is more important to him than anything else in life-even more so than his wife, his kids and spending that quality time with his family. And who suffers the most from not having Dad to do these family things with? The kids. That is what is really, really important here. This behavior is an addiction and it may continue unabated for years, even decades. You've confronted your husband....and it sounds like you have, and he hasn't changed has he. He has to admit he is an alcoholic. I also suggest you contact the nearest alanon office in your area and learn all you can on drinking problems and how it affects good families and how it adversely affects children. Get their help...they are likely in your phone book. Please call them! Good luck and I wish you the very best, dear.....but remember, to think of the kids.
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A
female
reader, PurplePayne  +, writes (3 June 2008):
My ex used to drink quite heavily too and was a very aggresive drunk. I understand what you mean when you say you get angry and I also understand that you don't want your kids to grow up and think that your husbands behaviour is an acceptable way to act. I've been through all of this. You need to sit down and tell your husband how you feel, preferably before he has a drink. Explain to him that you are concerned about his health and the effect this will have on your children now and in the future. Maybe come to some sort of arrangement to allow him to drink at weekends or to leave drinking until the kids have gone to bed. It's not just a situation that can be swept under the carpet though and if he is drinking heavily and regularly then chances are he has already damaged his liver. At the end of the day there is no way you can force him to stop drinking unless he wants to.
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