A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a single parent recently come out of the nastiest 5 year relationship of my life. I'm now with a new guy and am so happy. we've been together for about a month and a bit and things are great, he doesn't live locally though and I think i may be pregnant. I have done two tests, one possitive and one negative, and i am overdue for my period.I have an implant so can't see how i could be pregnant but I fell pregnant with my son while on contraception so i know anything is possible.Now I don't know how to deal with this. The guy I am with is great but he gets terrified by the talk of marrige, kids, etc etcWe haven't been together very long so I am not sure how he will react about a pregnancy. I don't know if it's best to do a test while he is here so we can both find out for sure together or do i do it on my own and make a decision whether or not to keep the baby. It's hard being single parent and I hate abortion but it is something I will have to consider because I don't think I could handle doing it all again on my own. When i had my son my ex told me that he would support me and he doesn't and i don't want that to happen again. What do I do?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 It sounds like things are going to work out; sorry that you have had to make a very difficult decision, but you know what is best for you. I'm happy to hear that he didn't freak out and is being supportive; good signs.
My very best wishes for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks very much for the advice that was given. I have seen my pg and it was confirmed that I am indeed pregnant. I told my boyfriend and he didn't freak out like I thought he might. We talked about all the possible options and have decided that as much as it would be lovely to have a baby together it's not the right time and would not be fair for anyone involved so I am going to have an abortion. I know it's a horrible thing to do but I don't want to end up raising the baby alone if things go wrong since we have only been together for a month.
He was really supportive and we went 3 hours talking about it so we are sure we are doing the right thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): I agree with Tisha, you should definitely make an appointment with your gynecologist to talk not only about the potential pregnancy, but other forms of birth control as well before telling your boyfriend, who has already expressed a fear of marriage and children. Don't give him the unnecessary scare if that's what it turns out to be.
However, if you are pregnant, there's no point in keeping it from him. If he cares about and respects you, he should be willing and able to take on the consequences of having sex with you. Tell him your thoughts on the matter, and listen to what he has to say. As someone who went through with it, you're right, abortion is scary unless you're sure it's what's right for you. I did it for my boyfriend at the time, and I'm still living with it.
In the absolute worst case scenario, if he's not willing to listen to you, or becomes aggressive/tries to assert authority, you need to get out of the relationship. If he thinks he can make all the decisions about your body for you, then you need to make it clear that he has no right to and make decisions for yourself, because he should have your interest at heart in this case. I don't think this will happen, it's early in your relationship and I'm not surprised that he's not ready to talk about a definite future together. Don't make a mistake that will hurt you just for love, because anyone who hurts you or tries to control you doesn't deserve you in the first place.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2008):
Oh, this one is tough. Have you had the test confirmed by your gynecologist or GP? That would be the starting place before you start worrying about the rest of your question.
Once you do that, then you can start to think about how to tell him if you are indeed pregnant.
Then if you are not, you might consider having the implant checked and also using condoms for added protection. There's no 100% certain method for preventing pregnancy, as you know already, other than abstinance, but doubling up, like using a hormonal treatment AND barrier methods is a good idea. Plus the pill, or implant or coil don't prevent STDs.
Sorry for going off on the safe sex tangent, but I think you need to see your doctor first to get the best test with bloodwork.
All the best.
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