A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I had an emotional affair with a married man. His wife found out and wants a second chance to work on their marriage.He agreed,but I do not think he is putting a lot of effort into it because when I speak to him he always tells me that he loves me and misses me. He said that he does not know how long she will tolerate him because she is trying really hard and he is not.I met him a few days ago after work, I just missed him so much.We held each other and kissed. He told me several times that he loved me.He confuses me because I don't know if he is telling me this because he knows I am hurt and having a hard time letting go or if he is just trying to keep the door open, just in case. He told me that his wife does not believe that we did not have sex. He came home a little late the other night and took a shower. She freaked out, thinking he had been with me.I wanted to e-mail him to let him know that I am letting go and I thought that I would put in some things to reassure his wife that we did not have sex and that I will be out of the picture but I am not sure if that would make things worse or not.He may get very angry if I e-mail him a good bye love letter and his wife see's it. Do you think it is a good idea or do you think it would make things worse for his wife if she knew how much i cared?
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male
reader, Dr. Merrick Way +, writes (3 February 2009):
Due to this special thing they call the internet/telephone, people can have emotional relationships. Personally, I feel, it's a bunch of horse-shit. If your capable of getting a man emotionally attached, your completely capable of getting him fully attached. What you need to do is stop wasting your time with this bozo because he doesnt take you serious. Focus your time and energy on going out and meeting someone that will take you serious. As for telling his wife I think you should. Let her know that your in a sense, trying to end this and he keeps initiating. Get that bridge good and burned and hop on a new boat. Make him hate you for wasting your time.
A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (3 February 2009):
 Straight up and simple -- if you have decided that the best thing for you to choose to do is end the affair, then not cutting ties (email, conversations, any form of communication) from this point on serves no purpose. Yeah, it's going to hurt, but the sooner you step away, the faster the healing will start. In addition, I'm pretty sure that communicating anything to the wife isn't going to help... even if your message is intended to assist or put her at ease in some way. From this point on, the recovery (or not) for your lover and his wife is in their court. Communicating anything into their inner circle just doesn't feel like a good idea.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 February 2009):
You want to say it's over but it clearly isn't. You are still talking, meeting up, kissing - that is NOT over. This married man is still having an affair with you.
End it for good and cut contact. Don't send him a long email, just call him now, tell him you want him to give his marriage a chance and that you don't want him to call again.
It will hurt but you have to do the right thing.
If you give them a fair chance and cut contact, and THEN their marriage breaks up then you and him with have a fair chance. But you have to be the strong one and make him honour the commitment he made to his wife. Other wise how will you know he will ever be willing to work through a problem with you?
Good Luck!! xx
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