A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi! Just need some advice from some unbiased folks...I started dating a guy who was my friend/flatmate first. I fell for him while we lived together and we got close and eventually decided to live separately and start dating. However, things have been a bit up and down and its tearing me up a little bit. Not only do I miss living with him, but what with work etc we barely see each other. As its his job thats the busiest, I'm trying to be patient, but sometimes I think he's not bothered. He's a laidback guy anyway, which I think compliments me in a way as I think too much and he kind of balances me out. But lately its got to the point where we can go 4 days without so much as a text. I live with a friend so have spoke to her but as she knows him she just thinks its his personality. I raised this with him at the weekend and he said that he didn't think we needed to know everything the other is doing, and that he doesn't want us to spend too much time together and then it goes wrong/when he gets a busy spell in work we won't be used to being separated. I said that I understood but it wouldn't be enough for me if we didn't maintain some contact in the week. I really like him and want things to progress but can't see how they will if we're constantly 'playing it safe'. I'm constantly thinking that he just doesn't want to see/me commit but whenever he has a window to say if he wants to call it a day, he doesn't. In fact, he subtly, but sweetly tries to make things better buy spending more time with me etc But as soon as he goes, I feel empty. I don't want to feel like this. I've got a lot of pride and won't hang about for someone who doesnt care, but something is telling me I'm overthinking things and this could be awesome. Another part of me says he needs a kick up the bum/fright by me having a serious word. Another part tells me leave it there, but I don't want to do that. After all, good things are worth fighting for right? Someone please give some advice? This should be a happy and exciting time but the move and life in general seem to be dampening it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): Thanks for the advice! I just don't know what to do, as I'm not one that will 'accept' someone just liking me, but I don't understand why when I raised the subject he made no move to end it. I've also got a feeling if I did end it, he would be upset, but I don't know. I don't want to just end it, hence giving him a chance. I'm playing things cool this week and leaving the ball in his court. If he wants to see me, he will, if he doesn't then i'll have my answer. Just wish I could stop thinking about it!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): In your heart of hearts you know that you both are at odds at what you want from the relationship. He wants more a casual arrangement and not to fall in love. You on the other hand have fell for him and the empty feeling you have is because you know he likes you, spends time with you when he can but deep down you know he doesnt love you the way you do him.
You need to decide if you can carry on with this relationship the way it is and accept that the situation may never change or to say goodbye now.
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