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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm 18 and will be going to university in September. I'm still a virgin, although nearly lost my virginity with a boyfriend last year. He was also a virgin and was too nervous, so it was impossible. I'm really worried about the rumours about Fresher's Week, that everybody just drinks and has sex, and want to know if you think I should just go for it before I get there. Lots of my friends have lost their virginity just to 'get it out the way'. Is this the best way? I'm really worried that I'd bleed and embarrass myself. Please help.
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lost my virginity, still a virgin, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, spiiningjenny  +, writes (26 June 2008):
i don't think you should,save it till you meetit someone who is special,you may regret it later,i did when i lost mine,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): a male friend of mine is 20, hes at uni, and hes still a virgin, he says hes proud of it and doesnt want to start having sex until he is ready, just be yourself, go with the flo and enjoy uni. x
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 June 2008):
 *shrug* if you are planning to just have lots of sex with random people you don't care about at uni, sure, it might be wise to just get it out of the way.
Why don't you look up "dogging" go to one of those spots and just get it all out of the way? Virginity, anal, dp. Maybe someone is walking their dog, can get that out of the way as well.
Read your own post and ask yourself, what the hell are you planning to do? Now I get the feeling you do care about your virginity because if you didn't you would already have gotten it out of the way.
If you really think Uni is just about having an orgy well then at least I hope you are on the pill.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): Hey hunny,
If you waited for someone that you loved and you were comfortable with, then you would not be worried about bleeding and you wouldn't feel embarrassed.
I was a silly one and lost my virginity to someone that had not feelings for me. I felt used and stupid and I regret it very much. I wouldn't really want anyone else to feel that way... But I know lots do. I know that you are different for me... But maybe you'd regret it too.
I don't know where you're from... But here in Ireland on Freshers week... Those who want to have sex, do and those who don't want to, don't.
I'm sorry for saying this... I don't want to be offensive, but in all honesty hunny... Just because everyone else is jumping off the bridge doesn't mean you have to aswel. :)
I'd be happy to tell you about my personal experience and how it has affected me... But I don't feel comfortable posting it so openly. So just pop me in an email (you can find the link by clicking on my picture) if you want to hear.
Take care, Emivia. x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (24 June 2008):
Yeah a lot of people get drunk and have sex in the first week - and let me tell you what happens then.
Go and hang out in front of the doctors surgery the second morning and watch literally dozens of terrified girls turn up for the morning after pill and get told they need to be tested for horrible diseases.
And if they've done it with someone in halls then they have to face that person for the rest of the year, and often they find out that the guy is a total idiot and feel really really really stupid for having sex with them. ESPECIALLY if it's their first time and they are going to remember it forever.
And they get a reputation amongst the other girls that they are a slut.
Trust me, the thing you need to do in Uni is make friends with girls as they are the ones you will live with in second year and talk to about all your stresses and keep in touch with for ever.
Uni is a great chance to meet guys but wait till you get to know them before you do anything, and be careful how much you drink. It can make you do stupid things.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (24 June 2008):
The fact that you are even thinking about having sex just because of what other people will think suggests that you arent mature enough yet to be making such a big decision. And I dont meant that in a harsh mean way saying your immature either. But realy if you put what other people think of you, above your own well fare and self respect then thats not good or a sign of maturity.
I do not agree with having sex to just 'get it out of the way', although I can understand where you are coming from. When I was 18 and still a virgin, I too felt ashamed of it and thought no guy would like me because I wasnt expeirenced.
But you know what I found out??? Alot of guys actually like virgins, it can be ab it of a challenge and if a guy gets to sleep with a virgin, it makes him think he was 'special' because the girl chose him to be her first. And as much as guys may like to sleep around, they do have ALOT of respect for a girl who only sleeps with guys who truly matter to her. So think twice before sleeping with any guy just to get it out of the way or to please others.
You said you are worried about being embarrased and bleeding during your first time. Yes that would be VERY embarrasing if you did it with a random or a guy who you werent in love with and commited to. But if you dont just do it with any guy, and you wait until you find the right guy, then you wont suffer such embarrasment because he will love you no matter what and there will be trust, which is one of the most important things.
At the end of the day, it is YOU who has to live with what you choose, not your friends or anyone else. 5 years from now, you arent going to care what all those people thought. So why care right now?
If you sleep with a guy who you are in a relationship with and who you are not commited to and in lvoe with, trust me, there will be alot of hurt, shame, guilt and regret that you will suffer from.
Choose wisely :)
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (24 June 2008):
 No dont get it out of the way, wait for the right guy to come along and then you will have nice memories of your first time, not just some guy you cant really remember and who's name you'll probably forget.
Im sure Freshers week wont be that bad and its all rumours. I remember being terrified of starting senior school age 11 as I was told I WOULD definately be forced to smoke, get egged and then have my head flushed down the toilet. It never happened to me or anyone else at my school!
Carry on as you are and be proud to be a virgin x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): The rumors of having to have sex during Freshers are greatly exaggerated. I've been at uni for a year and haven't had sex, yet I've had no problems due to that. I think you should just wait until someone special comes along.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 June 2008):
 "Get it out of the way"? Holy moly what kind of whacked reasoning is that? The first time you have sex should be with someone very special and I mean really really special. You are worrying over nothing, just relax and enjoy your youth.
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