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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I don't know what to do. I've been off and on with my boyfriend for about 6 years. Right now he is out of state because he said he needs to even though he could do his business here since it is through internet. Anyway, the last 8 months since he's been gone we have gotten in huge fights over the phone, one time he hung up on me and didn't call me for 10 days. In that time frame i met someone new, thinking it was over forever with my boyfriend. I've continued to be friends with the new guy, and have dated him off an on when either my boyfriend has broken up with me or i have broken up with him in the past 8 months, which seems to happen at least once a month. i told my now ex boyfriend that i have been hanging out with this guy when we aren't together, and he always knew he was my friend, but never that i actually kissed him when my ex and i weren't official. well my ex obviously was hurt and got pissed. he told me that i either go visit him and spend the night when i do like all other "normal girls", or that we are over. well he knows that my Christian views are to not spend the night at his place, and to wait until marriage. He had been talking about buying a house by winter in my state for us and for us to get married. so why can't he deal with me not spending the night, why can't he just wait until we are married? I think he's doing this and giving me this ultimatum because he's mad that I'm dating a guy whenever we break up. But maybe he shouldn't be hanging up on me and then not talking to me for 2 weeks at a time! Funny thing is when we had broken up in the past for longer periods of times, like months, or even a year one time, he stayed friends with the girls that he had hooked up with or dated while we were broken up. So how is what I am doing any different? I never technically cheated because every time i hung out with this new guy it was as friends unless my ex and i were broken up. What do i do? just let this relationship with my ex go? he says he loves me, but just can't do this anymore (unless i do what he asks). Any thoughts on what i should do? I am soooo hurt right now. i can't believe he is willing to throw away our whole future all because he refuses to live here for the next 8 months and won't tolerate me not spending the night. Help!
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female
reader, dgrady85  +, writes (20 April 2011):
i would let him go cuz he obviously dosent care if he is hurting you dis bad
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Ok well if this new guy doesnt want to be with you then that changes things. You need to stop making out with the new guy because it sounds like you want more than he does and you are going to end up getting hurt in the long run. So I think the best thing you can do is remain friends with him if you want but nothing more.
As for you and your ex. Dont ever feel like you are stuck with him just because he accepts that you have an std. you should never stay in a relationship with someone just because you feel that nobody else will accept you. There will be plenty of men out there that accept you. Maybe it might be good for you to stay single for a while and sort out your life without the complications of these two men. Enjoy independant life and get to know yourself more and take a break from romance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe new guy i date on and off doesn't want to date me/be with me in a relationship, but he does like me. he is the reason i went back to my ex in the first place. the new guy is better suited for me, but if he doesn't want anything serious, we are mainly just friends who sometimes makeout. i would be more than friends if that's what he wanted but he doesn't. and it's mainly because i have herpes, even though i never have outbreaks. it's so hard because i feel like im stuck with my ex since he doesn't care that i have herpes.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (20 April 2011):
In fairness it is not fair to this new guy that you keep dating on and off. You date him because you and your ex has had a fight and broken up and then as soon as you are back together the new guy gets forgotten about, have you actually concidered his feelings in all of this? It cant do much for his ego knowing that he is getting treated like this.
As for you and your ex well I think the best thing you can do is sit down face to face and talk to each other open and honestly. I cant believe you are both talking about marriage, are you crazy? From your own admittion you guys keep breaking up, now that is not a good basis for a marriage at all. You both need to be getting on and also seeing each other a lot more. Marriage would just never work for the both of you.
If you really think that you and him can both work through your problems well then sit down and discuss it. If he wants you to stay the night well then agree to it but if you are not willing to do anything physical then tell him that straight. You can stay the night in the same house and not do anything sexual. Just spend some quality time together. Goodluck.
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