A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my gf just broke up recently after a very passionate year together. neither of us fell out of love until after the unexpected departure. we were even still in love after the break up. then she got a new bf 3 weeks after and im nothing to her at all. First she tried the "lets be friends because i need u BS, but as you already know she slowly disappeared over time. it pisses me off that it was that easy for her to let go and now i hate her. i know i shouldn't but this new found hate (or rejected love..whatever) is actually making me WANT to never see her again. Im so sick of her popping around every so often telling me she misses me and wants to see me soon, and the have to hear how her new bf is the love of her life on her facebook (i just deleted her). Should i let this hate manifest and use it as a drive to push past her or is it unhealthy?
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Hate is a normal and natural emotion. When it becomes an issue is when it doesn't go away; that's unhealthy. In the short term, hate will give you the energy to refocus your life into things that don't involve her, and the resolve to avoid contact with her.
In the long run, though, hate will mean she is still a part of your life - perhaps even a controlling part. When you have let the hate run its course, you need to let it transform into indifference. Indifference is when she no longer has any effect on you, and when you can really move on to a new, happy relationship with someone else. Indifference is what allows someone else to mention her, or bring her into the same room, without ruining your night.
Let it burn out, don't let it be bottled up. But when it does burn out, put it aside and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLet this,b the beginning of my,healing :) great answer and kudos to you and ur s/o
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 Hey, if it helps you get past this and move on, why not? Anger is easier to feel than hurt. It sounds like she did hurt you and took you for granted. Now she is treating you with a lack of respect for the love you shared. She has just moved on to someone else and shows no concern for your feelings by advertising her feelings for this guy on facebook, which she knows you will read, and she tells you she misses you and wants to be friends. I'd be pissed off too. She sounds like she is used to getting her own way. She wasn't happy with you so she decided to end it rather than work things out, has found someone else straight away, but still misses you so she wants to keep seeing you as a friend. She's thinking about herself but doesn't show any concern for how much she hurt you with her actions. I'd say you have a right to be angry. You spent a year of your life with her, she could at least give you the dignaty of not facebooking about her new love just weeks after she left you. I'm assuming she left you?
If I were you, I'd use this anger to move the hell on! Don't bother with her, she obviously couldn't care less for you, she has a new bloke so leave her to it. Maybe one day she'll realise what a bitch she's been to a guy who stuck by her, maybe not. Either way, use this energy to move forward and be happy being yourself again. Get out there, have fun, start dating people and leave her behind. You're angry because you realise she's treated you badly. It happend to me and it felt like I woke up, and I moved on right away, found a new guy who treats me right.
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A
female
reader, chris's_wifey_23 +, writes (21 March 2011):
I say you get over her and dont worry about her. she isnt worth it! There are a lot of girls out there and you are young. The best thing to do is to just move on itmight be hard but you will do it and you will feel much better hope this helps
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