A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've known this chick for 2 + years. I've chased after her for a while recently, our shedules just kept getting in the way. but recently, she told me she was feeling bad. I asked her what was wrong, and she tells me the guy she had been sleeping with (her friend with benefits) had told her he loved her... She had told him she didn't feel the same and felt bad. I told her, if you want someone to talk to I'll be here, but, I felt bad, cause she didn't tell me she was seeing someone, knowing full well I've been chasing her, I told her that and went about my day.She then messages me, she didn't tell me because they were just friends with benefits(which, I said is her right and her business to do so) which meant it was open, she then said, if I still want to hang out, it was cool....Later, I sent her a message saying, I don't mind hanging out and stuff with you, that's cool, but we can't just be friends, and that we have to be more than that, either friends with benefits, or partners, or whatever, I told her, she didn't have to worry about being my girlfriend or the whole love thing with me cause I was too busy, but she was Fun to go out with and stuff.She still hadn't responded, now I'm kind of second guessing doing it, was this the right thing to do? Or should I have handled it a different way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2011): Yes, you should have handled it another way. From what you wrote, you admitted to "liking" this girl enough to hang out with but only if she's having sex with you...but not enough to either have a real relationship or a mutually respectful platonic friendship. This doesn't sound like the kind of "friend" I'd want to have, nor would any other woman with a shred of self-respect. I think you should seek counseling to explore your contempt for women and your inablity to be a friend to anyone. If you don't grow out of this behavior, you're going to be one lonely dude without the "benefit" of a friend in the world.
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