A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My dad was very abusive to my younger brother particulary after he'd been drinking. He used to go out get drunk and then he'd come home and beat my brother. This used to happen regulary for years until my mom finally kicked him out and told him to never come near us again. That was 5 years ago.I recently got a message on my facebook from my dad saying that now I was 21 he would like to come back into my life. He admits he was wrong for what he did to my brother and said he has seeked therapy and that he'd even like to make it up to him. I don't know what to do as he is my father and he never hit me but he used to get a thrill out of mercilessly whipping my brother with a belt.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): i know its difficult. on the one hand you think, well, he's my dad , and i know people usually feel tha tthey should see their dads as they helped bring you into the world. on the other hand, you dont want to see him because of bad things he did. i know how you feel. my dad was verbally abusive, and threatened to be physically abusive, he came pretty close to it. but he was very kind sometimes and a good provider, and i do respect that he gave me a good upbringing, although strict too, and i respect him in general because he is my dad. my advice to you is to decide whetehr or not you want to see me, and if you, decide how often you see him. i only see my dad every so often, becasue i feel that if we saw each other too often, we might not get on very well, but i dont wnat to cut contact with him completely. remember, you only get one life, and you only have one dad, so make the most of it. while what he did to your brother was wrong, he clearly needs help. i do feel kind of sorry for people with problems such as being mentally , verbally and physically abusive, because they are either born that way, or its something to do with their upbringing, or its something else that happened in their life that had a bad effect on them. i admire the fact that the apologised to you and sought therapy- that is very brave and at least he relaizes that he has a problem and wants to fix it. try to give him a chance.my father did a similar thing recently. we had a fall out a couple of weeks ago, and it was my birthday last weekend. he sent me a card, telling me to read the message in the card carefully, as that was how he felt about me. it mentioned about how much i was loved, and he said he wanted to see me soon. i appreciated that he did that, and he must have meant it or else i dont think he would have gone to all that trouble.Do you think your father has some good points too ? Try to weigh up the good points and bad points and see how you feel .please let us know how you get on. good luck !.
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (19 May 2010):
What you don't tell us is if he's in recovery... "Sought therapy" is too vague, and sounds like he wondered the halls of a rehab unit looking for a room. Did he get into recovery? Is he no longer Drinking? Is he in a 12 step program (AA?). He needs to make amends to your bother. The process can be short and it the first step in reconciliation. If your dad really wants to get you back into his life, he needs to make amends to you also- what you lived through no kid should.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): I think that perhaps you should at least give the man a chance. I know what he did was wrong. You don't have to open the door up completely! You can take your time to see if he really has changed. I hope he has changed and feels terrible about what he's done to your brother... Good luck xx
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