A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everybody,please help!My boyfriend abandoned me since i was one month pregnant. Now my baby is 9 months and he does not know the baby. It's been two months since he is back in my life(not in my son's life),I have been trying to learn more from him while he is back,but it seems that he is selfish. Everytime I asked him to take action in order to see his son, He says that he needs to get money to come to my house since he had never been there previously. He stopped messing arround with all the girls he had, he is trying to be the perfect man now,but i cannot trust him anymore.I love him so much,I am going to Medical school next year and i feel that he might not be fit in the future. He has a lot of respect for me, which i really appreciate,but he seems irresponsible when he does not take any action for his son yet. I' am afraid because my parents dont want him arround me anymore,and it will be harder if I let him mess me up,specially my career. I do not know what to do,I need Help please.
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (30 June 2011):
you can let him into your child's life via visitation, but you shouldn't let him back into YOUR life as a partner because you don't trust him, and you have every reason not to. He abandoned you when you needed him most. he is selfish. He used to mess around with other girls. He hasn't taken responsibility as a father even now.
You are right not to trust him. His track record has shown that he is not to be trusted. He may seem like he's now given up messing around with other girls and "trying to be perfect" but...some times the trust is already broken, damage has already been done, too little too late...another way to see it is that he would have to prove that he is "perfect" for a very long time, before you may naturally feel trust for him again. Once broken, trust has to be re-earned and it always takes longer and harder to earn back trust after it's been broken, than to have earned it from a neutral slate in the beginning of the relationship by not having done all those horrible things in the first place.
You can keep contact with him brief and business-like, solely about his parental duties, but you do not have to get back together with him as a couple.
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (30 June 2011):
he is no good for you and he will not have changed i have a 2 and a half year old son his dad left me when i was 6 weeks pregnant and it has been me and my son since he tried to get access to my son and said the same things to me your babys dad has probably said to you he,s changed he wants to be there for the baby he panicked at the thought of been a daddy etc you would never be able to trust him again he will confuse your son if he keeps coming and going into your babys life all the time
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