A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,I have a beautiful 6 year old daughter, absolutely beautiful. I was with her Mum, a successful Uni graduate, for a short time when she was conceived, but we split up before she found out she was pregnant..anyway...she gave birth and I went to see her and the baby, and it was then that she told me that she didn't want our baby, because of her career and wanted to put her up for adoption. I told her I'd take her in, and so I did, so, six years later, me and my baby girl are still going strong. I work full time to support us both, I take her to all her stuff she does at the weekend, I try not to get into any little flings or even serious relationships, but last week, completely out of the blue, I get a knock at the door and its my daughter's Mum standing there. She's demanding to see her. I keep saying no but she insists she has a right to see her. I don't want my little girl to have her hopes dashed when her Mum walks out on her again, just like she did when she was a newborn, because I know she'll do it. I've raised her for six years and I believe I know whats best for her, but at the back of my mind, there's a nagging doubt that if I deny her the chance to see her Mum, I'll be depriving her of the one thing she's been missing her whole life...Do I let her Mum see her or not?Advice needed!
View related questions:
conceive, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (26 March 2011):
 I commend you for being such a terrific and strong father to your child. Sadly the 'mother' has legal rights of access and your child may grow up resenting you if you do not allow her the opportunity to see her mother. As this woman is a stranger to her, perhaps the visits ought to be supervised for a while (a family centre?) until your daughter gets to know her. The mother of your child is required to pay child support to the resident parent (including back payments to reflect the six years). You should deny her access until you obtain qualified advice from a family solicitor. If she approaches you in the meantime you could simply say you have decided to contact a solicitor to resolve the issue in the best interests of your child. It doesn't sound like you trust her enough to come to a reasonable amicable decision. You have every right to be concerned that she will disappear again, or perhaps attempt to gain custody. I think if you involve legal advisors then it will demonstrate to her that you are serious about defending the interests of your child. A big child maintenance bill may deter her from pursuing the access issue unless she is deadly serious and a changed woman. However, if the issue of access and child maintenance payments is documented in solicitor and possibly court papers then it records who should be doing what. If she then backs out of the deal then you have evidence to show the courts in the event of future dealings with this woman (say she visits for a while, runs off, comes back when your girl is 12 etc).
A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (26 March 2011):
 I know that it's a very difficult situation. My sister went through the same with her then 6yr old daughter (She's 8 now) He nagged and nagged to see her. Took her to court and he finally had access. Did he bother? Nope. He wouldn't ask how school was. He barely greeted my niece! He went through all that just to walk out of her life again. She is 8 now but she knows what is good for her. She doesn't care about her dad because she has her mother. Same for your girl. She still has you and that is all she wants. I think you should ask her. But tell her she won't be around for long so that she won't get her hopes up. And she may be surprised if she does stick around. It would be good for you to have a relationship though. So that she can get used to women being a part of both ur lives 'coz you may find it difficult in the future.I hope this helps
...............................
|
