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female
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anonymous
writes: My older brother is 39 and is seeing a 16 year old girl. He doesnt see anything wrong with it but it is weirding me out! It doesnt seem right. Should I ignore my feelings of disgust and push them aside or should I let him know my feelings? He seems happy but to me she is only a child. Help! What do you think, I dont know what to do :-( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): Depending on the state, it may be legal. Maybe these people should do some research. Confront your brother about your feelings, and maybe talk to the girl as well. Hiding things will do no good. At 16, the girl may or may not be mature; it depends on each individual. If it is obvious that she is immature, you should definitely talk to your brother about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): DrPete makes an excellent point. To many Aunts answering your post, will think your brother's behaviour may be shocking. You know your brother best...you will have to observe them together. Personally I am not a proponent of this type of age gap (teen-adult) relationship because of the cross generational differences. The fact is: she is 16 and a consenting adult. It is not illegal. But...if you do see coercion, abuse of power and other disrespectful behaviours on your brother's part, then morally, you are obligated to say something to him. Some things are bigger than family friendship and sibling love. That is the time when sometimes being a true loving family member involves "saving someone's neck even when they put the noose on themselves". But if it's an equal relationship, based on respect...nothing can be said or done about it. One thing, does her parents know of this relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): Yup, I agree with Dr. Pete. If he is abusing her according to the law in your state or province, then yeah, you'll have to speak up. However, if he isn't doing anything like that, then just address your discomfort towards him if you really need to get it out of your system.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): Your the best person to know whether or not he has pedophile-like tendancies and is "abusing" this girl. If not, then why would you want to say any thing?
The law is there to protect young adults from being abused. If your brother isn't abusing her, or taking advantage of her, then she's alright, isn't she?
She might even be happier going out with an older guy - at least she doesn't have to deal with the usual immature problems that a lot of teenage guys have.
You know your brother best. If he's a decent enough person who respects and looks after her - what's really the point in saying any thing?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): No, I do not believe you should report him to the authorities, unless he has committed an ultimate wrong. They are both together with consent. Though it makes you feel weird, etc, you can talk with him about it, maybe even tell him about the possible laws pertaining to that sort of thing. However, unless he is committing a crime without a massive gray area, you should keep your thoughts and knowledge between you and your brother.
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (27 May 2006):
 You are legally bound to report any lude act towards a child to the proper legal authorities.
If these parents file charges and it comes out you knew, you could be looking at jail time also. Molested children cases get very tough on the parties involved. Check out a legal library close to you and look up cases in the country you live in to find out what you could be looking at for helping your brother keep this 'relationship' under wraps.
Though I suggest you cover your butt right now, call the parents and the proper authorities, draw the line between you and your brother's actions. Your brother made a very bad choice and he knows it or he wouldn't have pulled you into it. Now you could be in as much trouble.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2006): ask him if he thinks he is doing the right thing as she is only a child and hasnt finished growing up yet. DONT tell him to stop dating her cos he wont like that - just be nice and say u kind of think she may be a bit too young for him.
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (27 May 2006):
 Well I think it would be a good idea for you to let him know how you feel. Bottling things up is never a winner with me. You shuld talk to him alone and tell you that you wnat to express some concerns you have with him.
If he has respect for you he should sit there and listen, then you should sit and listen to his reply. You never know once you've spoken to him about it you might see things from a different point of view as in you might understand more... Or he might see things from your point of view.
I think that if you express your feelings to him its better than bottling them up. Everything will be out in the open rather then building up in the back ground. At least then you will both know where you stand with each other. I'm not saying that by talking to him he's automatically going to split up with his girlfriend, but then at least you can have the peice of mind that you've doen all you can to express your concerns.
So that's my opinion go for it, tell him how you feel, but remeber that you also have to prepared to listen to how he feels.
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female
reader, Smiler +, writes (27 May 2006):
 Hey there
Well yes i understand your situation sweetie cause its your brother and its sometimes difficult to keep stum when you care about one of the people involved... personally if it was me and my brother was dating a young girl i'm sorry but i would have to sit him down and tell him exactly how it made me feel seeing them together he is so much older than her anyway what could they possibly have in common other than maybe boosting your brothers ego that he can pull a younger girl but tread carefully though cause you don't want to hurt your brothers feelings or step on anyones toes but also you can't go on feeling uncomfortable when you see them together i would try and tell him but gently gently ok..... best of luck sweetie do let me know how you get on and whats happened how you got on ok
You Take Care X
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male
reader, Troubled101 +, writes (27 May 2006):
 You should defnitley let him know your feelings. And besides that ITS ILLEGAL!!!!!!!!! While the age of consent is 16 if he/she is under 18 then the older person can only be a maximum of 5 years older. I hope i explained that so you can understand it. Just tell him straight out and tell him its illegal. Hope this helped
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