A
male
age
36-40,
*lyboy275
writes:Alright, i need some input just to get my head straight:i have been dating this girl for about 8 months, and i am very much in love with her. I think she is a wonderful person and i actually for the first time in my life can see myself marrying her. I am excited for every day i get to spend with her and she really completes me! We never argue about anything and almost always agree. The only issue that we have is her past. She has had some seriously horrible things happen to her.When she was 14, she got drunk and had sex with a 21 year old to loose her virginity. When she was 15, she was gang raped by her boyfriend at the time and two of his friends. Now i am no expert, but i have heard that events like this can really mess up your self esteem.....She has told me that after that, sex stopped mattering to her and it was only just "something to do." We are both in college and she, just as i, were decently promiscious in our past. I can't help but let this stuff bother me though. She has had sex just because, sex with friends because she was bored, sex with people she did even like!!!!I just can't help to believe that my girlfriend is a slut.....I love her so much and it hurts so much to think of all these things that she has done. The worst part about it is she does not even think that this is a big deal and thinks that it is up to me to get over it...What should i do?
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male
reader, andyk47 +, writes (25 May 2009):
I dated a girl who had been with 19 partners and who had had viewed sex as though it wasn't a big deal to her. She ascribed this to a babysitter taking advantage of her when she was younger. While I was sympathetic, I STILL did not like the fact that she had let guys use her body as she did. How was sex with her supposed to be special to me when I was just number 19? I wasn't even near a fourth of that number in terms of partners. I respected her less as a result, and we eventually that played a role in our breaking up. If your girlfriend's past bothers you, get rid of her (as hard as it is) and find someone with a more similar philosophy towards sex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): I apologise ...im talking generally about promiscuous woman and not about your girlfriends shocking ordeal !
...i also hope the guys responsible were brought to justice
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): If you cant accept her sexuality you shouldnt continue and its best to find out at the start of your relationship if your girlfriend is promiscuous or likes one night stands
I have the same problem with my wife of 2 years,she lied to me ... although she would never cheat on me and she hates talking about her past,it is now after being emotionally committed im descovering she loves to have sex with guys from the disco + 2 or 3 guys during her holidays !
I find it incredible a woman could actually enjoy sex with guys that dont even respect her let alone care for her !
The clubs are full of guys desperately looking for a slut and when they are lucky enough to find one they want to re-inact porno scenes and tell their friends after what a dirty hoar she was !
A woman can find more sexual partners from the bar in a few months than any stud could in a lifetime...all she needs to do is smile and open her legs ....do the girls really think the guys are interested in their personality or conversation !
I love my wife which makes it 1,000 times harder to accept...how can i feel special when i know she is a hoar !
She says they were mistakes but in reality she enjoyed the dirty sex because its her sexuality
Weve tried therapy but the doctor takes her side as if its no big deal and just says it was a negative very thing to do !
I was going to finish with her despite loving her as she is a very sweet and good person but we have a baby on the way...i dont know what the future holds !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): I know how you feel. I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now. She told me that she'd been raped when she was fourteen and since then sex was just something to do. I love her, but this really hurts me knowing that something I think is important and intimate is no big deal to her. It still hurts just as bad as when she told me over a year ago, but she's worth the pain. If your girl is worth the pain, then keep trying to get over it. who knows? maybe someday it won't bother you as much anymore. good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): I'm no expert on this subject either mate but the expierience you are having mirrors mine in a way, thats why i'm googleing this sort of stuff to get other guys opinions. I'v been with my girl for seven months now and it didn't take long for her to feel the need to explain to me that she was interfered with by a past boyfriend and one of his mates. The fact that it was non consentual on her behalf doesn't really mean anything to me, i just have the image in my head of her with two guys and it won't go away. She had had a long term relationship prior to this with a man she was engaged to that ended suddenly, after this she "wanted to get one back on guys" as she put it and started sleeping around so now at the age of thirty she's been with fifteen partners. Just like you, i love my girlfriend dearly, i know i want to be her husband and be by her side until we're old but i cannot help but wonder if she compares me to any of her past lovers. I wonder if i satisfy her, whether i'm "big" enough for her,(it does't help that she told me she was with a black man with u massive penis). And just like your girlfriend she see's no problem with all this and this bothers me. I've had just as many sexual partners as her but i am ashamed of my past, if i could change it, i would. But i can't. And i can't change her past either. What i can change though is how i feel about her now. I know she is with me because she loves me and no one else. We've all got to realise that relationships do not revolve around sex. sex is just a small part of a relationship. You have to forget her past, concentrate on her now. You have to reset everything. Pick her up, brush her off and put her on the pedestal where she belongs, god know's none of the pricks in her past did that. She loves you buddy, how good is that!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 February 2008):
 If you can accept her and her past, carry on with her.Like she said, get over it.
If you can accept her but not her past, then you ought to give her up.You don't love her enough. Your love is too shallow -for love is blind.It becomes real love when you don't see her faults.
If you say your love for her is strong , then you accept everything that comes with her ,warts and all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): I would not let her past....get in the way of my future or get in the way of my happiness. I was once locked up for 8 years and I had a woman that I was totally in love with. I had heard that she was pregnant with another man's baby. After, a long deep and painful thought....I realized that I didn't care if she had slept with a thousand men...I still loved her. 5 years later after I was released....we hooked backed up and were married....we've been married over 30 years now and have 3 wonderful sons. She had been raped twice in her life, she had been with men in their 20' and 30's all before she was 16. She...by her own admission had been with over 200 men all before she was 25.We have 4 children.....3 are mine by her, but I've been in love with a wonderful woman and wouldn't change a thing!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): The fact that you had some loose sex in the past should cool your frustration some. You just don't have the right to complain now. One partner that had a much more promiscuous past than the other is a bad combination though. People act like "oh, just get over it" but that's never really gonna happen. The pain never, ever, ever goes away.
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A
female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 This is her past it does not affect what you have together now. She has been honest about some awful things that have happened to her. Your g/f should seek counselling about the rape, maybe she does not see sex as a big deal, after what she has been through i would imagine that to be normal. You two need to work on your relationship together, like you say you love her, be there for her and help her. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (9 February 2008):
 I'm no expert either, but if she seems to have gotten over this things, especially being raped, then I would try to give her a chance - if you really care a lot about her. I sure hope those b******s were caught and put in jail.
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