A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl a few months back and became infatuated with her. It got to the point where she was all I could really think about although I knew a relationship could and would never happen. It started to really get me down and I would become really jealous when I saw her with another boy even if they were just friends. I couldn't cope and told her that I had feelings for her and needed some space. She said that was fine but that nothing could ever happen. I let a few months pass and got back in touch, feeling better about the situation although she certainly left an imprint of me. The residue of my infatuation left me with a deep sense of care for her.For a little our friendship was fine and I was glad to see her again. I have met up with her a couple of times, just the two of us and we got on fine. Although now I'm beginning to see some cracks forming in our friendship.I find it hard to talk to her in group situations. I fear that everyone is kind of watching me and it feels awkward to talk to her. I can't think of anything to say to her although I know I could talk to her for hours alone. I think something has changed since we last met up as a group.She isn't acting cold, she just isn't really putting in as much effort as I would have expected her to have done. Before when I was going through a tough time she really helped me and I felt like we were good friends y'know? Well 6 months back she mentioned a small present she wanted for Christmas so I went out and got it for her and saved it all this time. I also made her another present which took me hours to do. I cycled round her house at 3AM on Christmas so that she would find them in the morning. She sent me a text message saying that she liked them and that she was thankful. I did however notice she did not get me anything which is kind of depressing because I really put a lot of effort into what I got for her. I just feel really frustrated. I know she got my friend a birthday card and I feel kind of let down because she never sent me a card. He is the kind of guy who has a lot of friends and I know he doesn't like her in the same way I do. I have less friends but they are close friends and they all mean the world to me, her included. To make matters even worse I know she would like me more if she got to know me a little bit better as we have a lot in common but she just doesn't seem willing to take the time out from her busy life for me. It's just so strange because when I told her I needed some time apart she was adamant that I should stay in touch and that she would miss me so much but eventually let me have some time away.Should I let her drift away? Do you think that is what she wants?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): ...yeah I understand your situation, because i'm honestly in a very similar situation...my only advice is to just do what you did when you first met her. Act/be what you were when you first became really good friends and maybe you guys can be good friends again. and yeah, gifts are a very nice gesture and thought, which will flatter anyone...and i understand what your feeling, it wouldn't have killed her to send one, you're right...but maybe just take that as a hint as to what she's thinkin...idk, if you can handle just being very good friends with her then go for it, if not live your life and be happy..
idk hope this helped
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think maybe you misunderstood. I'm not trying to get her to go out with me, I just want her back as a close friend.
We used to be better friends before I asked her for some space and it hasn't been right since. I would never try anything on with her and don't believe a relationship is to any degree a possibility.
I don't really think my present was that extreme either. I only delivered it at 3am because I had left it too late and wanted her to get it on time.
As for being worried I might take a present the wrong way? Well that's pretty convenient. Wouldn't have killed her to send a card?
You think I'm acting weird? Why?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2009): i think you are being very 'full on' here i guess she likes you as a freind but she has already told you clearly that its never going to happen relationship-wise - you are clearly infatuated here but at some point you need to have a good think about the fact that you are channelling all your energies into something - someone who will never reciprocate them. What you did at christmas was lovely although a bit extreme, we all like it when people do nice things for us and i am sure she was flattered - i guess she didnt get you anything at xmas or for your birthday because she doesnt see you in the same light and she may have been worried that you would have taken it the wrong way and thought she was coming on to you. As hard as it sounds you have to relax and realise you can only be freinds here just make the most of the fact you can be freinds - you will only scare here away by being weird and will be in danger of her cutting you out of her life altogether. Have fun with all of your freinds and make the most of every day you dont have to distance her just be grown up about this situation - having her as a good true freind will have to be enough - and it should be x
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