A
female
age
30-35,
*imebomb
writes: The thing is, I am a young girl in my late teens and for almost 4 years now I have found myself drawn to an older man. Yes, that may sound rather generic but there’s more to it. It all sort of started when I was 14-ish years old I met this guy during the summer through a large group of friends and siblings, despite the fact that my older sister had previously had some sort of relationship with this guy, me and him connected. I was quite young at the time and partly oblivious to reality and the repercussions of my actions, but despite how little I knew about the situation I did know that me and him understood each other in a way that I had never experienced before. It was like whenever we were hanging together the outside factors telling me that this was wrong didn’t exist. Or maybe it could have been the fact that he himself was such a taboo thing that I was enticed by the danger and thrill of it. It may have been the fact that my father had recently died of cancer that past year that made me emotionally unstable or desperate for some form of escape from my day to day life. Whatever the reason for my infatuation with him we only began to grow closer as summer ended and we went back to our separate worlds. We began to text each other regularly which from my end of the relationship only made my feeling more intense and the longing to be with him worse. That coming school year due to my dad’s death and disbursement of my family my mom and I moved across town. I was now isolated from my life long friends just months after I had lost my dad, I was also starting at a new high school where I knew nobody and on top of it all I was having a secret 'relationship' with a much older man who my sister hated. We would talk for hours into the night and early morning online, I knew and do know how strange and perverted that sounds...but it was quite innocent to some extent. The fact of the matter is, is that it didn’t matter that we were having these secret late night chats, but to me it was the fact that we were able to have these late night chats for hours on end; something I that I could never find myself doing with another guy. Anyways the weeks turned into months and somehow over this period of time word had gotten out about me and this guy among my sister and her friends. Immediately one of them spoke to him about the implications of his actions and how sick the whole situation was. Needless to say, I was fairly mortified seeing as I had betrayed my sisters trust and was probably now known as her little sister the slut. We stopped talking to each other as often and I began to move on with my life, however every know and then I would stop to think about him or to wonder if he still cared about me at all.Over the years I had a few boyfriends but somehow always found some sort of reason to break it off, whether it be that I found them too clingy or I just had no emotion towards them. People would often comment on my indifference towards many of my boyfriends and flings that I've had, and I've noticed it in myself that I find it hard to care or feel passionate for any guy. Recently on a rather drunken frenzy of a night I ended up calling my old friend and we got to talking. I told him how I really felt about him and, from what I can recall, I think I said that I never stopped liking him. The next morning I checked my phone to find that we had talked for a couple of hours and I thought it might be a decent idea to text him apologizing for what I may or may not have said. Over the next few days we were texting on and off until the other night he called. It was around 1am that we started talking and we both just said all of those little things that we had bottled up over the years for whatever the reason being. We ended up talking for 4 hours. He and I are never really going to be together. No matter what age I am, how could we possibly ask for my family’s blessing to condone a relationship that is almost 15 years apart? Not only is it an issue of age but I could never even fathom the thought of us telling my sister about our relationship. Essentially the two of us are at just two totally different places in life right now; he doesn’t even have a job and has been living with his parents on and off for his whole life and he could get married at any second, and I'm at the peak of my youth. I should be out there meeting tons of guys and letting myself be young, but at the same time I don’t think I'll ever really let go of him. I honestly just don’t know what to do, I want to have him in my life if nothing more than at least a friend, but at this point I don’t even think that will be possible until another year. Should I let go of him completely and move on, or is what we have worth risking pretty much...everything?Please let me know.
View related questions:
drunk, move on, older man, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 October 2010):
 Well darling you are still underage and he is almost twice your age and should respect that you are still a teenager and its wrong on his side, especially getting involved with a 14 year old at the time you were only a child. This is your choice you can go and spend your life with this man but it may cost you your family and especially your sister so really you have two choices you pick him or your family, im not telling you to end your friendship with him but hun you are only young and if you get with this guy now or next year you will only resent it in a few years time as your family will be distant and you will have missed out on your teen years, this guy shouldnt have got involved with you especially since your father had just died and you were not in any emotional state and he was old enough to understand this. Do you trust your mum? Maybe open up to her and tell her how you feel and what has been happening she may be able to help, good luck.
|
