A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My situation is a simple one: I married a man I've never loved. We met at 16, started dated at 18, we got married at 26 and now, at 33, I just want to end it all.He is my best friend, I like to hang out with him, but I never loved him. I know that now - it's blinking obvious. It wasn't so obvious 10 years ago - even though, I have to admit, I suspected it.He was my first boyfriend - had never dated anybody before. I just felt that he was too good not to stay together. We also had serious opposition from his mum (because I was - and still am - fat and hence she used to say I would be infertile) which made us get closer, for the wrong reasons, of course.Our sex life was never good. He doesn't think much about sex whilst for me it is important, so I can't really say that at least we have that "glue" which should keep married couples together. We have sex extremely rarely- it's always been like that. Our first quarrel as a married couple was about sex - I wanted it he didn't(7 days after the wedding). We had had sex only a few times before marriage, due to religious reasons and only upon my insistence because I couldn't bear the idea of not having tried it at 25 years.Anyway, I've had one affair before getting married, with a guy met online who, then, turned out to be an alcoholic. It was a long-distance relationship because he was from another country. I traveled twice to meet him.After getting married, I had a five-year affair with a guy 20-years my senior whom I used to meet six times a year - met online as well also from another country who had a home here in my country.Now, since last year, June, I've been kissed by another guy on whom I had a crush and we fell in love. He is also from another country and, whenever I can, we meet. I have also met online. We've spent so far four weekends together. We meet at his place and I spend the night at his place. He is, however, in a relationship with another girl and hence, I have no future with this guy but we love each other. I want to leave my husband but he loves me too much - currently my husband is going through a bad patch with a generalized anxiety disorder due to problems at work. So, it is not the best time to leave him.We have no children - and he is pressing for children now but I can't have children with him. I simply can't. I have never been really interested in having children but now I'm thinking that that is because I do not have by my side a man I love. Should I leave my husband? That's the question. And how should I go about it? I am not interested in having a relationship with anybody else. I would end my adulterous relationship I have now. I simply am not relationship material. I've never loved before now (my lover) and I do not think I can ever love again. Too complicated, too painful and frankly, finding somebody you love who loves you is too complicated.I just want to stop crying myself to sleep.
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affair, alcoholic, at work, best friend, crush, fell in love, met online, sex life, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): Instead of continously cheating on your Hb and having multiple lovers why don't u learn to do the right thing.
You are cheating with a cheater?
Divorce your hb.
LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThree months on, I'm still down in the dumps. I am literally crying myself to sleep everyday and I love my lover all the more who says he loves me but he is engaged and I know we can never be together.
Should I just leave my lover and resign to a life of lovelessness?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I'm still in two minds. I am deeply unhappy loving somebody with whom I can never be and being with somebody whom I know I can never love. I have no sex life or interest in sex whatsoever and I feel so alone.
It's all my fault, I know. But should I hurt the only man who really loved me?
I am at a real loss.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): You seem deeply unhappy with your relationship so I would end if if I were you. It's not fair to be hurting him by cheating on him, if he is truly your best friend he deserves better than that.
Do what is best for you, because at the end of the day you have to look out for yourself :)
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