A
male
age
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*ot good enough
writes:My wife is totally ignorant to me on occasssion. Thoughtless or worse.She cheated 4 years ago looking for 'the big one' as I caught her when she left FB open. It was a coworker and the brief fling happened after she lost her job.Turns out he was below average in size and due to drinking, not exactly the firmest male specimen.So she tells me this in order for me to know she is no longer interested in him and she really denigrated his equipment.Whatever. We had two kids with serious and life threatening conditions so I forgave her.But then she brings it up and even jokes about it.Well we had an argument a while ago and a said that I can't take her judging the words that come out of my mouth as always being negative. She literally just screamed at me 'you have a small cock', you hear me , you have a small cock so fuck you!!So later, when she realized I was right she said she only said it to hurt me because I am sensitive about my penis size which she says is fine.Well I know it's fine, it's average and I am below average height so all is good. I work out in an all male clubAnd I readSo the problem is her. I know her last one night stand 25 years ago before we were married was a 'God' and she made no bones about it back then in her journal that I am sure she left out on purpose. Our first time was 'nice' but this mobster guy was a dream.She let me know back then that she had two huge lovers out of 4 that included me and no one could live up to them, so don't worry.Over our marriage only she has made remarks about my size. One time our teen son was lying on the couch in track pants and she said to me ' i know one thing he didn't inherit from you'Since she cheated I know she hasn't since.Otherwise, things are ok. We still have sex once a week and it's good.ButMy youngest is now 18, Should I leave her so she can find the big one and I can date someone for whom that is not an issue?By normal I am 5.75 long and 5 around. I am only 5'5" and 155lb very fit (40 chest, 31 waist).
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co-worker, my penis, one night stand, penis size Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 May 2016):
 It seems you have developed the attitude if you cannot beat her you will join her. That is a shame really because at the beginning I thought you where a nice decent man, now it looks like you are sleazy and gross and having sex with anyone and anything that will have you, you don't care if the women you plan to sleep with are married, and yet you have felt the hurt of being cheated on? Not the wised move, but hey whatever you want, its your life. But this won't give you confidence.
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (18 May 2016):
 Well thats not an update we needed to read. Yuck !Be a man and leave her for pete sake. Thats how you get back your confidence. She is a nasty piece of work for sure but your new found sexual attitude is just sleazy and gross. Now you sound a bit like her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2016): If you want an open marriage then ask for one. Bringing home stds is a seriously shitty thing to do.
Did you grind your wedding cake into eachothers faces ? Because you both sure like enjoying sticking it to eachother. What a sad sad pathetic marriage you have.
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A
male
reader, Not good enough +, writes (17 May 2016):
Not good enough is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate
Wow. Never knew the cheating website with supposedly all men would have so many women near me. Just going to meet a nurse who only wants to perform oral sex on me. Weird but what the heck. She's cute and not fixated on my size. Will be safe. And I know her ex and her kids. In fact we know each other's dogs from the dog park.
Amazing how different a week makes.
Just having people tell me she is a bitch and I should leave her has given me the confidence I needed.
I am an atheist so no problems with the God and I hope to hell I am not reunited with her in heaven.
Now I also have a date with this 26 year old hot wife who wants to meet me in two weeks. I met her in the business they run and she has just the most pretty face and beautiful hair nice body and only wants a one-time only (her husband insists). Apparently she has been doing this for years. One time only, and safe of course. But we will do anal (she says) so that will be a first for me.
And another woman my age sent me a nude photo from a city I visit a few times a year. She is unhappy and likes the way I think and we both love to cook so seeing her in June.
Apparently being a fit guy who can write a decent bio can attract so much attention.
Thanks again. I plan to cheat till I get caught and let her make the choice. The way she has treated me, I have no guilt.
In the meantime the wife seems to dig the new me. We have had sex 4 times in the past four day and each time has been pretty special.
Maybe she likes players? Not that I am right now, its all theoretical, at least until tonight after work.
But that 'big dick' attitude may be the main source of her excitement, not just the dick.
But her yelling that I have a small dick, there is no excuse so I am giving myself a chance to redeem my self esteem. I hope - sure the girl today will go "you sure this is average size???"
lol
I am not worried at all. I am average there and have a well above average body, income and IQ.
"I am smart enough, good looking enough and gosh darn it, people like me :-)
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A
male
reader, Not good enough +, writes (14 May 2016):
Not good enough is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTried posting a updateMaybe it will show upHere is a short version.Watched a TV show Episodes where the wife cheats with a guy with a huge dick and husband can't get past it. I tell the wife I know how he feels.She gets defensive and says the guy had a small one that she cheated with.But I said you thought he had a big one, and she agreed and then joked that she should have him charged for false advertising.So I asked her if she wanted me to wear one of those extensions if she likes the feel of a larger one.She said that. She would probably laugh because I am not a big dick guy and it would be so not me.She said the best sex she had was with two guys with big dicks because guys with big dicks act differently. She said they were not even that nice to her but that was part of the whole excitement. Their confidence and their size.I am an amateur chef so she said try to imagine the best meal you ever had and it was so good because it had something rare like truffles which I can no longer get.Now that doesn't mean that there will not be great meals again, just that there will be that one ingredient that you will never have again, it that's fine because you have at least tried it.She says she married me because I am smart, kind and funny, not for my penis or sex which is good.She then got annoyed and said I don't have to be the best at everything and accept that. And now I am ruining memories that she has by making her feel guilty for it. She can't help that the feeling of being totally submissive by having a man completely fill her up causes her to orgasm.But I also am good at oral and give her orgasms too.So then why is one orgasm better than the other I asked herAnd she said that the two times she had problably 20 orgasms each. It was the whole package, the guy, the penis and the danger or naughtiness of it.I ended the conversation.Later when she went to bed I went on a now famous website and I met someone from my town in a similar situation. We chatted for hours.Exchanged photos. Turns out I know her older brother. We both are trapped and can't leave or marriages.Met her yesterday at a mall parking lot and wow. We both like to smoke pot (wife hates it and drinks instead which I don't do), listen to same music.And she has no fixation on size at all.So last night I came home and beat my wife at crib and as winner, picked sex as next choice of activity and had her signing the 'Good Morning ' song today.I guess confidence is certainly one main ingredient in sex that you can acquire and not be born with. Not sure where this is leading to but I am happier today than I was when I wrote last week.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): What does your wife look like?I suspect she is no Goddess.Don't let her bring you down.I am sure your size is more than adequate and more than adequate in bed.SHE is THE ONE who has problems and she is trying to bring you down with her.Don't let her.Go and find yourself a real woman. One who makes you feel like you are a GOD in the bedroom. Trust me, they ARE out there.Stop making excuses for your wife.She is treating you like shit.That is all it takes to walk out of this marriage.Far too many people settle.Far too many.LIKE YOU.And what do they sacrifice?Their own true happiness.For what?ABUSE? MORE ABUSE?You got one life. And yours has mostly been lived. Do you want to live out your final years in MISERY? WITH HER?Really THINK ABOUT THIS.You are going to leave this world with regrets.Why not turn this all around? Find your self esteem. And get out.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (10 May 2016):
 Hah! I'll have to watch Amok Time again just because you put that quote in my head, SVC!
OP, she's manipulating you, and she's been doing it ever since you were married. She's got you so whipped that she's got you convinced that your so-called "inadequacy" is the reason why she cheated. You need to break away from that.
You have to decide whether you want your life to get unstuck from the rut you're in. You've put up with your situation enough so that you're used to it, and haven't decided whether you're too comfortable with apathy, or you really want to try for the better life.
You've been systematically worn down by emotional abuse.
Talk to a therapist by yourself. You need to learn about life outside of your marriage and outside the systematic degrading of your self-esteem by her. The moment you hit the realization that you've been broken down your entire married life, you will break free.
When you do break free, listen to the song by Queen for me!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2016): I don't understand why so many of these replies are focusing on sex. Your wife has no respect for you or regard for your feelings. She has boasted about her affairs, and from what I can see she treats you badly. Surely that is the problem here, not the penis size of x, y and z. If she truly cared, she would not behave this way. As a woman I would never say things like that to my partner. I don't even talk about my sex life before we met out of respect for him, so how she can boast about cheating on you is beyond me. You deserve much much more love and respect than she is offering.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 May 2016):
 ask her how big and then buy a strap on that size and do her with the strap on.
As a woman who has had men of "that size" I can tell you I would rather have an "average sized male" with good oral skills vs a man with a big cock.
as Spock said and you may want to say to her: "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true. "
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A
male
reader, Not good enough +, writes (10 May 2016):
Not good enough is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell as far as insecure, I did mentioned n that we have sex once a week and she orgasms at least once and often twice. That's the thing. I am good at sex. I give her g spot O's, also from oral. That's because she is so difficult.Once 20 years ago she said ' you should read a book or something' which was another blow, but I did. I read everything. That's why I know I am normal. Got her a toy that she loves (Lelo). She just is fixated on bigger. I read her FB. She wanted a large one and in her chat with her lover she denigrated my equipment which turned out ironic since she then tells me he is smaller than me which is why I should be happy since she will not fuck him again, obviously because he is small.I know she is mean. That is why she has no friends which is another concern. If I dump her, basically our boys will be her only people she can turn to. She hates her family and only has two messed up friends. And they are dealing with enough right now.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (10 May 2016):
Good sir,
You are truly a very insecure man.
"By normal I am 5.75 long and 5 around. I am only 5'5" and 155lb very fit (40 chest, 31 waist)."
Does any of that stat matters????
You could be with a virgin and she could still say you suck in bed. Why?
Too many men focus on size, and not pleasure. Your penis is best used to finish off a woman, not to start her up. When you have done everything else and left her begging, you to put it in, that my man is where any size penis will do. A woman's body wants to be please the most, not just poked.
It takes a small axe to cut down a big tree. Not a big axe to cut down a big tree. If you had a big axe and don't know how to use it, what's the point???
You could be hung like a blue whale and still suck in bed. But you have weapons...very dangerous weapon against any woman. They are called...hands, fingers, lips, teeth, tongue, and the most dangerous of them all...a BRAIN to use them. And if you learn to use them right, she will choose you over any swinging dick guy around.
Forget what you don't have, and use what you do have. Make her beg you for your "Average Size". Any man can put a penis in a vagina. Not many men take the time to get the woman READY for pleasure.
Pleasing your wife is like making a cake. NO ONE can make a cake with just flour. It takes several ingredients to make a good cake, and love to make the best cake.
Your penis is the cherry on top....everything else must be done first.
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A
male
reader, Not good enough +, writes (10 May 2016):
Not good enough is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback.The reason I stay so far is to bring stability to the boys, one has a serious mental illness. And we have dogs and a relatively nice life.Or do I do as she told me after her affair and have one myself.I know I am normal. But it just eats at me that she so doesn't think so.I always get her off when we make love using oral sex. I may cum once every three times because I takes me a longer time and once she has had the O I really don't care if I get off (neither does she :(I know I should have left her but we have kept our differences away from the boys and we have a nice life otherwise. Both are fit and we hike and like to do the same activities.I guess I am here to vent, since I don't think I can leave her for at least a few more years till my son is in a stabile situation.Thank you for taking the time for feedback.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 May 2016):
She is controlling you using your own insecurity against you. What WIFE does that to her husband? A spouse should be the safe haven against life's storms, not the one who hurts you the most.
A big penis isn't some massive prize, and her actions either suggest that she's pressing your buttons deliberately or she has a mental incapacity. Either way, she is a cheater who cares nothing about repairing your trust or investing in the marriage, so you deserve to have someone who loves YOU.
Don't feel inferior about your male sexual organ. Your size is absolutely fine! You are virile, or you wouldn't have children. And, since in a woman, the clitoris, not the vagina, is the source of a woman's pleasure, you have no barrier to satisfying a woman sexually. Men are more insecure about size. 90% of women aren't fixated on a man's size. Most of the time, a woman ridiculing a man's size is a mean tactic, not a reflection on how she feels or her sexual values. The comparison is if a guy trying to hurt or control a woman would disparage her weight as a reason for him to cheat. It's invalid then, and it's invalid now in your wife's case.
I say let her go. Your kids are grown now it sounds like.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2016): She seems to be testing your love for her by doing things to hurt & push you away, and boost her insecurities in the process.
And you know what? Excuses can be made for anyone. Some people deserve sympathy & understanding & forgiveness. She does not. She is full of shit to put it bluntly.
If you were a wife with a husband doing this kind of thing there would be no excuses or attempts to understand him. People would just say "leave this evil sadistic asshole, you poor woman!!!" I suggest you do the same.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (10 May 2016):
To leave or to stay is something only you can decide and a decision made on whats best for you not her. Your wife has an acid tongue and I agree with aunt honesty that she does indeed seem to be suffering from insecurities with herself. Being subjected to such nasty verbal attacks is just deplorable. I don't know..do you love her enough to stay or do you love yourself more to leave? Either way I'd sure as hell be telling her that your not going to take anymore of her shit, meaning she either shuts up or you are perhaps better off finding a woman more sizeable to fit your "needs"
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (9 May 2016):
What a shallow woman you choose to marry. Is she insecure with herself? Maybe this is why she is lashing out at you and bringing you down? Either way her behavior is unacceptable and really inappropriate. How dare she be so cruel to you and hit you at your sore points. She sounds cruel and someone who wants to put you down instead of love you and give you confidence. I am sorry that you have to deal with this, along with having two sick children but she does not deserve you. She sounds like a cold woman. I would not put up with this as it would really effect my confidence.
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