A
male
age
,
*AN AUGUST
writes: This is hard for me I have been married for over 20 years now my wife has secret e mail is dressing diferantly wants to go out more is spending on clothes and says she needs to find herself, lots of fighting,should i leave Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, called Steve  +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Jumping to conclusions is a bad thing...
Suggest going out together, talk to her, find out about her, be interested and flirtatious. Make yourself desirable to her... it sounds like she is craving attention so be there to give her it.
Walking away is not what you want, so shape up! Get yourself in the same mode... buy some new gear, go out with friends, make an effort! Let her see the real you she originally fell in love with! Enjoy the result!!
Good Luck
Steve
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): You've just described me to a "T." I have lost 40 pounds, have asked my husband to give me space since I wasn't happy and have gone out and bought new clothes and am going out with my friends a lot. I AM NOT having an affair, but a mid-life crisis of sorts (I just turned 45). Now, I'm not sure if my future holds my husband in it or not, but he's trying REALLY hard, which is making it easier for me to "find" myself. If you want to save your marriage, your only choice is to support her. If you don't and you leave, you may make her decision an easy one.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (20 October 2009):
 Leave? no i would say dont leave her and dont give up twenty years plus of a marriage.
Your wife may have alot going on in her mind right now and like she says she may just need to find herself.
Support her, show her you still care, just because she is changing doesnt mean its a bad thing. Life is all about change and she could just be trying to lead a happier life for herself.
As for a secret email, maybe there is a particular reason why she kept it quiet from you... prehaps she knew you would reach a inaccurate conclusion thats why she kept it from you as not to cause more strife to an already troubled marriage.
Give your wife a chance and accept her change.
Encourage her, be kind to her.
As far as you know you have no evidence she has been disloyal to you so give her a chance.
Hope this helps, Goodluck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 October 2009):
All the signs point to her either having an affair, or contemplating it. You need to talk to her quickly about what is happening and perhaps do a bit more digging before you make your mind up. But, it sounds like she's having an affair to me (though don't take my word for it). Do some more digging, find out what is happening. Good luck.
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