A
female
age
51-59,
*ane38
writes:I have been married for 16 years, and have on a number of occasions found my husband looking at or signing upto gay porn. Recently I have found through looking at his mobile that he has even been calling and texting men he has found on a dating site. He has even met some of them. He says that he isn't gay, and that he wants another chance. I am worried that I am wasting my time, and that it's only a matter of time before he finally admits that he is gay and leaves. Help!
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female
reader, Neicee24  +, writes (9 May 2009):
I am also having the same problem. I have been married for one year. Our relationship was great, however, within the last few months I found out my husband was watching gay porn and posting ads to meet guys. In his posting he said that he was with a couple of guys last year. When I confronted him on it he said that it was just "internet bull". He promised he wouldn't do it anymore because he never meant to hurt me. Then I found out he was still doing it. We hadn't had sex in two months and when we tried the other night he couldn't keep an erection. He said that it was because he had beer but I don't think so. This has really damaged our marriage. I don't believe or trust him anymore. I need advice. Is he gay?
A
female
reader, noone44 +, writes (1 May 2008):
just know that if he looks at gay porn, he is not meeting up with other gay men to bake cookies. Look at the hundreds of web-sites that cater to married men. My husband, who I was madly in love with, I just found some gay porn about a year ago. I guess he took that as my approval for leaving asap and got obsessed with it... he then lost his job and started working in a 'spa'! You would never think my rugged hubby would get a chubby thinking of men. My case is extereme, but now we are friends and he tells me stories of the all the men that go there. you would die.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): I've been married to a gay man for sixteen years. Believe me, it's not good for either of you. Over the years, my husband has cheated on me repeatedly, lied to me, and gradually shut down his feelings into an obsession with returning to school for a college degree. All he ever does is homework now. There is no fun in our relationship anymore, no joy, and heis not the man I fell in love with any longer. I wish I'd left right after our marriage, when I found out he was gay and spared both us and our kids years of misery. Unfortunately, I am disabled and unable to leave for financial reasons - but you still have a chance. Your husband is probably telling you he's not gay because he genuinely loves you and doesn't want to lose you - but in the long term, staying won't do either of you any favors. Get out now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): well, im a 100% straight guy, but ive looked at gay and bi porn on the internet. As for the meetings of other guys, i still dont think he's gay, curious yes. This might be a rough time for him, try to get a confession out of him, and depending on how your relationship is, maybe you two can explore this together. Life is always full of surprises.
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A
male
reader, doublesquish  +, writes (3 February 2008):
I would dump him.
If it wasn't for married men, the gay escort agencies would be out of business.
Think of the health risks to you. AIDS, Hepititus C, genital herpes, and a whole host of diseases.
I bet you two were young when you got married. From my experience gay guys tend to marry young in the mistaken belief that having a wife and kids would cure them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): He could be gay or he could be bi-sexual or neither - just straight. However it doesn't sound at all like he's straight! The truth must come from him but you need to demand it. A friend of mine has just split from her boyfriend who she had 'grown apart' from (theyd been together 11 years!) and now since the split 6 months ago he has announced he is gay. However he said he would have gladly stayed with her and been very happy had she not ended it. Obviously everyone is different but my issues would be first and foremost my health was protected and secondly ensuring I wasn't being cheated on (male or female - same thing) and lastly I would want the truth. Some men can be confused so maybe counselling could help both of you?
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A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (2 February 2008):
 Yes you need to have this out with him as this is not normal. You have been married a long time, has he done this since the beginning? Men look at porn, but gay porn is something else. Speak to him love, as you need to know for your own peace of mind. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (2 February 2008):
 well it does sound to me like he is gay, and you need to talk to him, he says he wants a second chance, but you have found evidence that he is cheating on you with other men that he has met on a dating site! you really need to sit down and talk to him about how you are feeling, he may feel really ashamed that he may be gay and wants to stay with you to convince others - and possibly himself that he is straight. talk to him and let him know that while you support that fact that he may be gay, you would like to know because staying with him would not be fair on you. wat has he said wen you confronted him about the porn, txts etc??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): Hi Hunny,
Like waterloo says you have to talk to him love, This canot continue as it would most def screw with my head if my fella was watching gay stuff and txting other men I think this is proof that something is amiss and you need to get to the heart of this problem to sort your head out so you can get on with your life without all this worry and concern love TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 February 2008):
 You are leaving because you think he is a gay! What if you were wrong? Have you got concrete proof? You are leaving him based on your suspicions only?
It looks like you are the one that wants to leave . You are justifying your leaving by saying that he is gay .
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (2 February 2008):
 I really feel that this is something that you need to get to the bottom of, and soon. He is obviously showing quite a keen interest in homosexuality, and its not really good that he has met up with some people too. You deserve to know the truth, he would not like it if the situation were reversed, he would be demanding answers, and so should you be.
All the best x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): Talk to him and ask him just what the hell is going on. I wouldnt be too chuffed if i discovered my hubby doing that. Get to the bottom of it all and then you can decide your future, but you cant go on like this. Why is he meeting them, and looking on gay dating sites? I would want to know the truth.
take care
xx
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